Talkin' Story...

2012-01-19T23:42:00.002-10:00

Proof I'm Raising Nerdy Kids:

When kids rebel, watch out. You really never know where their rebellious ways will take them......

Take Captain Awesome, for example.

Yesterday he came home from school in a pissy mood, which wasn't surprising. When he walked in the door and tried to log on to the computer, I reminded him that he hadn't completed his homework the night before and had been in a mad rush in the morning to complete it and still get to school on time.

The kicker was that he knew he had homework, but chose not to mention it to me until 7:25 a.m.

So, the new rule was that homework had to be done AS SOON AS YOU WALK IN THE DOOR. NO exceptions. Period.

So, after a bit (okay a lot) of fuss, Captain Awesome pulled his math book out of his backpack and did two pages of division problems. He followed that up with ten spelling sentences, a science worksheet, and twenty minutes of reading.

When he finished, I let him get on the computer and all was good.

And then, this morning happened.

He got up, got dressed, ate breakfast, and brushed his teeth. As I handed him his backpack he looked at me and said, "What do you think I am? Stupid or something?"

I was clueless.

"That math homework I did last night? The two pages of division problems? That wasn't my homework. We're not even on division yet."

Huh?

Then he pulled out his math book, opened to a page of geometry and spent ten seconds circling images that could be folded from the given flat shapes.

"See that? THAT was my math homework. I just did the division to trick you."

Yeah.........okay. You win, buddy.

2012-01-13T01:11:00.002-10:00

Gomennasai!

So, yesterday I was in my office in the back of the house working while Crunchy Girl and Captain Awesome were occupied in the front of the house. Crunchy Girl was watching TV in the living room while Captain Awesome played with his Beyblades on the floor across the room. It was a quiet afternoon, and things were winding down for the day.

Or so I thought.

The next ten minutes played out as one of the funniest incidents of my life. It went like this:

A white ten-passenger cargo van suddenly pulled up in front of our house. We have a huge floor-to-ceiling picture window in the living room, and the jalousie windows on either side were wide open, so it was impossible for Crunchy Girl to not notice.

The doors of the van opened and the driver helped ten Japanese tourists out of the van, then unloaded a pile of suitcases, wheelie bags, and random travel items......and then he drove off.

Crunchy Girl watched as the Japanese talked amongst themselves and sorted their luggage, then walked up the sidewalk to our front door. They paused to look at the house, the yard, and point at various plants and pieces of landscaping. And, since the front window is a two-way window, they waved to Crunchy Girl and headed up the front steps, luggage in tow. And then there was a knock on the door.

This is when Crunchy Girl raced back to my office in a panic.

She was attempting to tell me what was happening out there, but was startled and freaked out and not making much sense. (Not that she could have explained it in a way that made any sense of the situation though.) Halfway through her scattered thoughts, Captain Awesome walked in to the room looking dazed and confused.

"Ummmm, Mom? Why are there a bunch of Japanese people in our yard taking pictures of our house?"

From my office in the back, I can look out the window and see our front porch.

Sure enough, it was the stereotypical Japanese tourist scene. There were about ten of them dressed in Japanese office/travel/everyday attire, mulling around the yard, posing for pictures while flashing the peace sign and grinning ear to ear. It was surreal and crazy and I was trying to figure out my next move.

Before I could do anything, the white van came flying around the corner and came to a quick stop in front of our house.

The driver hopped out and frantically shouted something in Japanese.

Our new visitors paused and looked at each other in shock for a few seconds, scrambled to grab their belongings, then ran across the street and loaded into the van in 60 seconds flat.

And they were gone.

Obviously the van driver needs a better GPS.

2011-10-24T22:55:00.004-10:00

Blame It On the New Math?

So, I was out running the other night and twisted my knee on uneven asphalt. I kept running because it didn't feel too bad.

Probably not a good idea.

Five days later and the doctor confirmed a Grade 2 ligament sprain. That's somewhere between "it'll heal in a few days" and "shredded". It means 4-6 weeks of recovery time, crutches, a knee brace, lots of ice packs, and popping Motrin like Pez.

As expected, Captain Awesome is in love with the crutches. He was with me when I picked them up, and sat with them in the back seat while I drove home.

"Mom, they look like machine guns."

I tell him he can play with them when I'm not using them.

"Can I open them?"

I tell him he can, and I hear plastic wrap tearing in the back seat, then silence.

"Ummm......Mom? We might have a problem here. How much do you weigh? Because these crutches only go up to 300 pounds."

Thanks, buddy.

2011-10-18T23:32:00.003-10:00

My Pot of Gold

Yesterday was a typical Monday. Up, dressed, got the boys up, fed, and out the door almost on time.

As we were driving to Captain Awesome's school, we rounded a corner and climbed a small hill giving us a view across the bay from our neighborhood to the base where I work.

There was a huge, bright rainbow extending across the sky and ending in the vicinity of my office.

Me: Look! It's an omen! I think the rainbow means it's going to be a great Monday!!

Captain Awesome: What's an omen?

I explain the whole concept of an omen, and that the rainbow must be a sign that I'm going to have a great day.

Captain Awesome (muttering in the back seat): No, Mom. I think it means you're going to have a bad day like you always do at work.

Me: Thanks for bursting my bubble, buddy.

So, I dropped the kid off at his school and the big kid off at his school and headed for the end of the rainbow.

I arrived just in time to make a mad dash across the parking lot in the pouring rain.

So much for my pot of gold, eh?

2011-10-14T23:59:00.002-10:00

Hawaiian Potluck

As I've mentioned before, the potluck is a staple of the culture here in Hawaii. Business meeting? Bring a dish to pass. Soccer game? Bring a dish to pass. Neighborhood watch? You guessed it - bring a dish to pass. No gathering is complete without the potluck, and the potlucks are AMAZING.

Tonight the Wildcard had swim practice followed by ----you guessed it ----a potluck.

As usual for any weekday, I flew out the door of my office at 4:30 sharp, grabbed Captain Awesome from his after-school program and made it home in time to yell to the Wildcard to get ready for swim practice. Five minutes later we were on our way to the pool.

Captain Awesome: Mom, I'm hungry.

Me: Okay, get a (leftover) snack from your lunchbox. We have potluck after swimming.

Captain Awesome moans in the back seat.

A few minutes later, as we are approaching the pool....

Captain Awesome: Mom, can we just go to a restaurant? I'm hungry!!!

Me: I know you're hungry - we have potluck in two hours. We're not going to a restaurant!!

Another moan from the back seat.

So, we pull in to the parking lot to drop the Wildcard off.

Captain Awesome: Mom!!!!! I'm STARVING!!!

The Wildcard: Enough already! We're having potluck.

Another moan from the back seat.

The Wildcard gets out and trots off to the pool. Captain Awesome and I drive out of the parking lot and head for home.

Captain Awesome: Can we please go eat?

Me: We're having POTLUCK. Have a snack to hold you over until then.

Yet another moan from the back seat.

Then this.....

Captain Awesome: Mom? What's a potluck?

That explains a lot.......and the kid had his first Hawaiian potluck experience tonight. Next time I say we're going to potluck, he will get it.

2011-10-10T15:03:00.001-10:00

It's All About the Loopholes.

For some reason, Captain Awesome is more fascinated with off-limits vocab words than his siblings ever were.

It began the second week of the school year. Every day he would come home and tell me about one of his classmates who had 'said a bad word' and didn't get caught! It wasn't always the same kid, but it seemed to be a group of three or four.

Captain Awesome eventually wriggled his way into this little clique and has been testing the waters to see how far he can go.

Is it okay if I just say "the s-word"? I didn't really say the word, so that's okay, right?

What if I spell it? Can I do that? Can I spell it with stars, like 's*it'?

If I say it and don't get caught, it doesn't count, right?

How about if I said part of the word, and my friend said the rest? Neither of us said a bad word, so it doesn't count, right?

My answer was always the same. It's about intent. If you say part and your friend says the other part, your intent was to say the word and it is just as wrong as if you had each said it. If you write it with stars, the intent is there and you are guilty.

It didn't sink in. They thought they were invincible because no one ever got caught. If it was wrong, they would get in trouble and since no one got in trouble, it couldn't be wrong!

So, they got caught. He said "Shhhhhhh......" and his friend completed the word. They lost recess and had to write a letter to their parents about how it was wrong and won't happen again. I hoped that, combined with ten days away from the clique for fall break, would put an end to it.

Wrong. He's still fascinated.

I know this because last night when I put away his laundry I found a notepad in his drawer where he was keeping track of who said the most bad words in the house during fall break. The Wildcard and I each had two tally marks on our page.

The Hubster, well, he had a bad week........

2011-10-01T21:46:00.002-10:00

The Next Chapter

So, we've entered that proverbial "next chapter" in our lives, sort of.

The Hubster retired, after 21 years in the Marine Corps. It was an amazing ride, but we decided it was just time to end it. We were blessed to have been to some awesome places, with awesome people, and awesome experiences and really didn't see where there was anything awesome out there for us anymore. Fourteen moves to ten different locations in twenty-one years was enough.

I would like to say that the transition was easy, but it wasn't.

The retirement date he chose was January 31, because beyond that they would have given us orders to somewhere yucky, like Washington D.C.

January is the middle of the school year, and we didn't want to move the kids in the middle of a school year. We tossed around a few options, but kept coming back to the fact that our tenants were moving out of our house in Florida in July. It would be vacant, the kids and I could live there while the Hubster finished up his time in the Marine Corps and settled wherever fate led us. The Blonde One wanted to go to a college in the area and would be guaranteed admission if he transferred from a community college just a few miles from our house.....otherwise, he wouldn't stand a chance as an out of state transfer student. Plus, the Hubster's family was only 2.5 hours away, his father was battling terminal cancer and it would give the kids a chance to spend time with their Grandpa before he passed away.

It was a tough decision, but the boys and I packed a few things and moved to our house in Florida while the Hubster and Crunchy Girl stayed behind in California.

It was a tough year. The boys and I lived like college students in Florida, made frequent trips to visit the in-laws, took care of some maintenance issues on the house, and waited to see how the job market gods would bless us. The Blonde One was accepted to his college of choice and FIL passed away in February, so I will never regret the decision. As much as the entire year sucked, I would make the same choices again.

The Hubster accepted a job in Hawaii, but it was not without drama. It took several months for the dust to settle, which coincided with the end of the school year, so we headed to the islands at that time. Again, more drama ensued, but we are now settled in our new home and starting our life as semi-empty nesters.

Crunchy Girl continues her studies in California, while the Blonde One is loving college life in Florida. I went back to work full-time, something I really haven't done in the 21 years the Hubster was active duty. It's an adjustment for all of us, but it's all good.

:)

2011-07-10T22:38:00.001-10:00

Tomorrow....

I have underwater housing for the Nikon D80, and I plan to use it.

Say tuned.....

2011-07-09T23:25:00.003-10:00

Showing His Italian Roots

So, tonight I was folding laundry as the kids were winding down before bedtime.

Destructo popped his head around the corner and said, "Mom, can I have some chocolate milk?"

I glanced at the pile of laundry in front of me and said, "Sure, I'll get it for you as soon as I finish folding this."

Three minutes later he reappears, as does his Italian lineage.

He's annoyed, and the hands are flying.

"Where is my chocolate milk? This is no way to run a business. You can't make customer wait - they get angry!!"

2011-06-26T20:31:00.000-10:00

Tragic Endings

So, I blogged about a local friend's wedding here.

Here is another story about him.

We are back in Hawaii, but that's another story for another day....hopefully soon.

This evening the Hubster and I headed to the beach for some wind-down time after being cooped up in temporary lodging for WAY too long with three boys.

The lifeguard tower was adorned with local flower arrangements, and a single, large bouquet sat alone on the sand, just beyond the reach of the rising tide. As we walked along the shoreline, we cautiously stepped over hundreds of plumeria, orchids, ginger, and tuberose washed up on the sand.

Jeff's 'paddle out' had been that morning.

It's tradition among surfers to have a 'paddle out' for a lost friend. Everyone gathers on the shore for a brief ceremony, then they all grab their boards and paddle out into the ocean to say farewell to their friend. A circle is formed, they all join hands for a few final words, then drop lei and flowers into the ocean in honor of the missing surfer. It's an amazing, moving tribute to witness.

The Hubster had been there that morning for the paddle out, but just couldn't do it so soon after losing his father.

We walked in silence for a while, then talked about the impact Jeff had had on so many people. I didn't know him well, but the Hubster was honored to call him a friend. He (technically) worked for the Hubster, but the Hubster respected and admired him enough to consider him an equal, at minimum.

RIP, Jeff.

2011-04-10T08:14:00.000-10:00

Leftovers

The Diva has never been a fan of leftovers.

I've always had the 'cook every other day' policy, and make enough on Day 1 to have leftovers on Day 2. If you don't want leftovers, fend for yourself.

The Diva refused to eat leftovers - she always chose the 'fend for yourself' option.

So, she just moved into her own apartment. She calls several times each day (which I love) sometimes for advice and sometimes to just chat.

On Friday she called while grocery shopping. She wanted my opinion on produce - what could she buy that would bake a good stir-fry? I made a few suggestions, which she seemed to follow.

Then this:

Diva: You know what? I just had a great idea - I'm going to buy double so I can make extra and eat it for two days in a row!

Me: (snicker)

Diva: That way I only have to cook once! Isn't that a great idea?

Me: You mean, like..........leftovers?

Diva: Oh. Yeah. (long pause) I get it now.

2010-12-08T19:30:00.000-10:00

Sooooooo.....................

Life has changed.

The Husband is retiring from the Marine Corps.

The boys and I are living in our house in Florida, seeing if any job opportunities arise in the area. In the meantime, we are living out of suitcases with minimal furnishings. As one realtor put it, "Do you have college students renting your place?" Sadly, no.

The Husband and The Diva are living in a furnished rental in California. Oh, to be a fly on the wall in that place.....

Everything we own is in storage. I miss my stuff.

I really, really miss my stuff!

When the dust settles and one (or both) of us secures a real job, we can resume life as normal.

Welcome to "Talkin' Story......the Limbo Year(s)".

2010-06-04T21:29:00.000-10:00

I Needed That

So, after an exceptionally crappy week, I picked Destructo up at noon after his half day kindergarten was complete.

He was in a pissy mood because Princess Jellybean toyed with him about a play date, then stood him up yet again. To make matters worse, I told him it was time for a haircut, and we headed off to get his curls clipped for the summer.

Generally he sits still as a statue for his haircut, collects his lollipop and is out the door without a peep.

Today, notsomuch.

He sat still as a statue until the stylist whipped out the clippers instead of scissors.

He HATES clippers. So he cried. And wriggled.

The very young stylist tried to comfort him by saying that she knows how he feels. After all, the clippers are very SHARP!!! She cut her finger that morning, and showed him the damage. Then she flicked the "on" switch and maneuvered the clippers in the direction of his left ear.

He screamed.

After talking him down and holding him still, the curls were history....but not without a few promises made for good behavior. Like, lunch at Burger King because they have Marmaduke toys.

It's strange, but there are very few Burger Kings in this area. We drove a few miles to the one we knew, the one where I have always had some sort of odd confrontation. Last time we were there an elderly woman was hallucinating about visions in the parking lot. I didn't want to be rude, so I played along and pretended I saw the same things. She went back to her meal, we finished ours, and we left.

Destructo and I managed to finish our meals without incident. He was happy with his Marmaduke toy, and the haircut incident was history.

As we headed out the door we passed a table with two adorable men, senior citizens enjoying their fifteenth coffee for the day.

One of them smiled and said, "That's a really fine looking boy you've got there! And well behaved too!"

I smiled and thanked him, as did Destructo.

Then the other piped up, "Well, Hell....Mom's fine looking too!! What did you expect?"

(I love him.)

2010-05-21T21:50:00.000-10:00

Princess Jellybean

Destructo has a little friend who lives two doors down and is in his kindergarten class. I'll call her Princess Jellybean (because that's how she refers to herself at times).

Princess Jellybean's parents are divorced and she lives with her dad. At the beginning of the school year, I offered to pick her up after school with Destructo and drop her off at the babysitters, it was right on my way anyway.

Princess Jellybean is one of those kids who has to one-up everyone, no matter the subject. It's an annoying habit in adults.....but pretty amusing when it involves a couple of kindergartners.

Today's conversation began with Destructo showing Princess Jellybean a toy that the Husband had brought home from a recent trip.

Princess Jellybean: I go on trips sometimes.

Destructo: Me too.

Princess Jellybean: I've gone on a plane to Florida before.

Destructo: Me too. Lots of times.

Princess Jellybean: Sometimes I go every weekend.

Destructo: Oh.

Princess Jellybean: My cousins live there. I have lots of cousins.

Destructo: I have lots of cousins too.

Princess Jellybean: Yeah? Well, I have fifteen.

Destructo: I have like thirty or forty.....

Princess Jellybean: I meant to say, "I have fifteen hundred."

As hard as I tried, I just couldn't keep from giggling at that one. Of course that interrupted their conversation and put the focus on me.

Me: You have fifteen hundred cousins?

Princess Jellybean: Yes. I do. Really.

Me: What are their names?

Princess Jellybean: There's Mia. And David.....Little David, I mean. And Big David. And.....ummmm....Big Mia. Some of them I don't know their names.

2010-02-08T22:32:00.000-10:00

Dilemma..........

The Hubster had a job interview today.

It was his third. He was runner-up for one job (which we later learned was a blessing in disguise), and he withdrew after interviewing for the other position.

So, now we're waiting and contemplating.

He goes back and forth about retiring. If the right thing came along, he would retire in a heartbeat.

The problem arises when the job opportunity is in that grey area.

It's a low-key job, which is what he wants after 20 years in the Marine Corps.

The location isn't top on our list, but close enough.

The pay? He would be underpaid for what he has to offer. His retirement pay would make up for it, but he would still go to work every day knowing he was underpaid. For the area, the pay is great; for someone with his background, not so much.

Pay and location are our biggest deal makers/breakers right now.

It's a foot in the door, in a lot of ways. That's a plus, right?

On a side note, he received an e-mail today saying he was on a short list for a 12-month deployment to Afghanistan.

Kind of cancels out the low pay issue, doesn't it?

2010-01-31T23:07:00.000-10:00

Lost in Translation

On our way to church today we were having our usual conversation in the car. Destructo was reminded to behave himself, and to whisper if he needed to say anything. He had a few Hotwheels to play quietly with, but only if he was well-behaved. The Wildcard needed to be reminded to not poke or prod his little brother, especially if he was behaving himself.

Simple enough, and everyone seemed to have understood.

Fifteen minutes later we were sitting in church and all was well. Destructo was kneeling on the floor, facing backwards and driving his Hotwheels back and forth, from me the Wildcard and back again. The Wildcard was pretending to be oblivious, which was good. One glance from him always seems to fire up Destructo, and then all bets are off.

Thirty minutes later, all appeared to be well.....until I noticed Destructo glaring at someone behind us.

He was quite angry.

I glanced back and saw the man behind us playing with one of Destructo's Hotwheels. He was pushing it across the back of the bench, racing it and then crashing on to the seat beside me.

Destructo giggled. He had found a new friend.

The man and his two teenagers entertained Destructo quietly. (I later learn that one of the teenagers is a classmate of the Wildcard.)

Forty-five minutes pass and I realize that the car games have stopped and Destructo is quiet.

Another glance in his direction.

He's finger-spelling messages to his new friends. (At least it's quiet, right?)

The Wildcard glances over at the same time - we watch and mentally translate the hand signs. He's spelling his full name - first, middle, and last. I'm pretty impressed. He learned to finger-spell the alphabet when he was about 3 y/o, and we spell things at home often.

The Wildcard is taking American Sign Language this year, and has been teaching Destructo some of the hand signs. I know the alphabet, but am clueless when it comes to most of the signs.

Anyway, we're watching Destructo tell them his name and the name of his school. Then he starts using hand signals and I'm totally lost.

The Wildcard started to giggle, as did one of the teenagers behind us. There was whispering and more giggling behind us.

I'm lost. When I glance over at the Wildcard, he waves me off and starts giggling uncontrollably, then snorts.

Destructo giggles at the snort, the people around us giggle.

Once again, we don't make it through the entire hour without attracting attention.

An hour after we arrived, we are walking out the door and I ask the Wildcard to clue me in on what happened.

Apparently Destructo wanted to tell them that he was six y/o, which is important to any kid who just had a birthday. He mixed up a couple of the signs.

"I have sex" is similar to "I am six", right???

2010-01-20T21:06:00.000-10:00

Eavesdropping

In the ER at 5 o'clock Sunday morning (yeah, it was a fun weekend):

Spineless Husband and Overbearing Wife who arrived just after us, laughing and joking in the parking lot and as they walked down the empty hallways suddenly became quiet as they approached the reception desk.

Spineless Husband: (Cough. Cough, cough.)

Overbearing Wife: My husband has bronchitis. He needs a note from the doctor.

Receptionist: We'll let the doctor take a look at him.

Later, after being checked in and having vitals taken, they were in the back being examined by the doctor.

Overbearing Wife: He has bronchitis and needs a note. They are going to the field all next week, and it's supposed to rain.

Doctor: He doesn't have bronchitis.

Overbearing Wife: I respect your opinion, doctor, but I know he has bronchitis. All he needs is a note from you so he won't have to go to the field next week. It's supposed to rain, and that's not good for his bronchitis.

Doctor: Ma'am, he doesn't have bronchitis.

Overbearing Wife: He has bronchitis. We need a note.

(This went on for a while, but they eventually gave up and went home.)

Young Marine, still half drunk, being stitched up after a bar fight....making conversation with the two MPs who escorted him to the ER:

Drunken Marine: So, like, you guys have the coolest jobs. How long was your school? Because I always thought I would make a good cop....

MPs politely explain the training requirement to become a military police officer.

Drunken Marine: So, like, do you have to be twenty-one? Because I turned twenty-one in September...YEAH!!!!!!!!!!! Oh, dude, THAT was a party! YEAH!!!!!!

MPs settle him down.

Drunken Marine: I just remembered. I got maced last night. By a random stranger. I couldn't see for like 45 minutes. Dude, that's why I never drink. Every time I drink, I get maced.

Just-turned 6 y/o who had been up all night, dehydrated from two days of vomiting. He was sound asleep on the bed for an hour while the IV dripped fluids into his tired, little body. Suddenly, without moving a muscle or opening his eyes, he began to return to his normal self:

Destructo: Mom, do dogs go to school?

Me (surprised to hear him talking): No, they don't usually.

Destructo: Does God have a computer?

Me: I'm not sure. Maybe we can Google it when we get home.

Destructo: I just farted.

And with that, he went back to sleep.

(Yeah, he's okay. Just a nasty case of the stomach flu.)

2010-01-16T23:14:00.000-10:00

So, Who Does This????

Who returns to blogging after a long hiatus and then goes on vacation? Seriously, who??!?

Okay. I did.

Sorry about that.

We made a somewhat short-notice trip to visit the Hubster's family this past week. It was a really nice visit, and we got some potentially GREAT news regarding FIL's leukemia! I don't want to say much at this point, but have my fingers crossed and a lot of prayers that it all works out.

In the meantime, I've started a 365 project.

The past few months were crazy, which meant my camera had been collecting dust.

My (main) New Year's resolution was to get the camera out each day, and I'm focusing on taking a picture a day of the town where we live (except when I'm on vacation, of course!). I've been doing well so far, and hope I don't run out of ideas. Here's the link: Carlsbad 365

2010-01-03T00:33:00.000-10:00

I'm Back!!

One of my New Year's Resolutions is to return to Blogging, at least on a semi-weekly basis. Hopefully I will be able to keep up beyond January!

What's new with the family?

Not much, to be honest.

The Diva is working part-time at a local gym and is going to college full-time while living at home. She has changed her major multiple times, but has finally made some really good choices for her future.

The Blonde One has done an 180 degree change and has become a stellar student. Since graduating from high school, he absolutely LOVES college and is focused on his future plans (med school). He has his lifeguard certifications and is working part-time as a lifeguard/swim instructor to pay his way through college.

The Wildcard started high school this year, believe it or not! He is in the Honors program and swimming/playing water polo in his spare time. We are thrilled that he has made some great friends at his new school.

Destructo is in kindergarten half days, and still demanding much of my time. He loves school, loves his teacher, and loves having friends his own age. We love it too.

I've been busy teaching and doing contract work. I took a part-time job teaching at a local university, but last semester the hours were full time.....which was WAY more than I signed on for! I've also been doing some contract work, helping small businesses set up their accounting systems. Unfortunately, my photography has been on hold, but that's something I plan to work on this year!

The Husband, as of today, has reached the 20-year mark with the Marine Corps and can retire at any point. He has been exploring his options in the civilian world and we are excited about the future.

California has been a good/yucky experience for us. There are things we love and things that drive us nuts. More on that in the future, I'm sure.

That's the update in a nutshell. Blogging will commence shortly.....

2009-09-28T20:41:00.000-10:00

Coming Out of Retirement....

Perhaps.

Stay tuned.

2009-03-18T23:29:00.000-10:00

Pulling the Plug

I've decided it's time to officially pull the plug on the Blog.

I'm sure that comes as no surprise, as I haven't been giving it the attention it deserves for months. Life has just become much more chaotic lately and I am making the choice to simplify where I can.

I started blogging almost six years ago to pass the time while the Hubster was doing a year unaccompanied in Japan. In the beginning I was a mom of three getting settled into our new home in Florida with three school-aged kids. My days were spent driving kids from Point A to Point B and back again, teaching the Diva to drive, and dealing with my pregnancy hormones. It seems like such a long time ago....

I have enjoyed blogging, and getting to 'know' so many different people from all over the world. I've loved reading your comments, getting feedback on every aspect of the site, and reading your blogs. I was thinking about this last night, and can only remember one comment in the entire six years that really upset me. You all are just that awesome!

Right now we're looking forward to the Hubster returning in another month or two. Things are going well for him over there, but he (obviously) misses home and would much rather be here than there. If all goes according to plan, he will retire in the next year or so and we will head back to Hawaii or move to Florida.....it all depends on the economy and the job offers.

The Diva is waiting on an acceptance letter from the college she will (hopefully) graduate from in the next year (or two). She is looking forward to getting back to Hawaii and becoming a teacher. Or a librarian. Or a physical therapist. She's still a bit up in the air about future plans.

The Blonde One is motivated, focused, and loving college. This is the kid who hated high shool and refused to do homework in the classes where he didn't like his teacher. He is majoring in Biology and plans to go on to medical school after he finishes his undergraduate degree. The military is probably in his future, since they have great scholarship programs and bonuses for doctors.

The Wildcard will start high school next year. He plans to either follow in his older brother's footsteps, or become a computer animator. Yeah, there's a huge overlap between those two career paths. He is the artist and brainiac of the bunch, so I can see him going in either direction and being happy. For now, he goes to school, swims, plays video games, and has his moody teenager moments.

Destructo is getting ready to start kindergarten next year, can you believe that? He has a new imaginary friend, Fast-o Car-o, who was born in Alaska but moved here recently. He is six and stays up all night because he lives alone. Mostly he just drives his Mustang around town and practices drifting in empty parking lots. I'm predicting lots of wild and creative excuses from Destructo when he hits the teenage years!

As for me, I'm planning to go back to work full-time when Destructo starts kindergarten. I (think) I have a part-time teaching job lined up at a local college until then. I've also been working on my photography, and recently started making a few dollars doing portraits. I'm not loving California so much, and am looking forward to moving elsewhere when the Hubster retires.

With that, I want to wish you all only the best in life. It's been a fun ride for me, and you can always reach me at talkinstory at gmail dot com.

Aloha Nui Loa!

Edited to add: You can find me as 'talkinstory' on Twitter ( http://twitter.com/talkinstory ) If you follow me, I'll follow you!

2009-03-07T23:47:00.000-10:00

Da Peeps

So, I finished the February wine glass project. It was fun, other than those days when I had zero creativity.

My plan for March was simpler and didn't involve any creative thought. It also wasn't as interesting, and not worth posting on a daily (or weekly) basis. So I scrapped it.

Plan B is Peeps.

You know those sugar coated, pastel colored, marshmallow bunnies and chicks?

Yeah, those.

The kids and I are working on it together, and we're having a blast coming up with ideas.

Check it out!

.

2009-02-19T16:51:00.000-10:00

Da Pixels

I've been getting a lot of feedback on the wine glass series I've been posting on my Daily Pixels blog (as well as on my Flickr), and I want to thank everyone for their comments!

I had been feeling like I was in a rut for quite a while, and this exercise has really helped motivate me. It's been a ton of fun, and I can't wait to finish out the month and start March with a new Object of the Month.

I've had several people ask about lenses, lighting, etc., so I'm going to start posting some of that along with the photos. (If I remember.)

I may post a poll at the end of the month to find out what everyone's favorite was, just for my own curiosity. I know some people don't like to post comments on the blog, but aren't afraid to click a button and vote, Lol.

I'm playing catch-up posting the pictures I took while my sister was here. I was short on creativity (and time) during that week, but did the best I could.

To make up for it, I have an awesome shot that I took today. It's my new favorite and I cannot wait to post it. Unfortunately, the Blonde One is doing his homework on the computer with my photo stuff on it, so I'll probably have to wait until late tonight or tomorrow morning. Dang homework!!

Check back later!

2009-02-08T00:29:00.000-10:00

Family Weirdness

So, I was upstairs the other night putting away laundry when I heard the beginnings of an argument downstairs.

I couldn't quite make out much of what was being said, just that the Diva had come home from work and she and the Wildcard were not happy with each other. Being the June Cleaver that I am, I finished putting away the laundry, checked my e-mail, and scrubbed the shower before heading downstairs.

Okay, that was an exaggeration. Let's just say that I was in no hurry to see what the ordeal was.

I hadn't even made it all the way down the stairs when the Diva trapped me.

Diva: "Mom! He ate all the broccoli!!!"

The Wildcard immediately popped his head around the corner: "I did NOT!!! I saved some for her!"

Diva: "Yeah, THREE pieces!! Three little pieces!"

Wildcard: "Well, next time you need to come home earlier!"

Diva: "Mommmmm!!!"

Who argues over broccoli?

Seriously, who argues ever broccoli?

2009-02-04T01:24:00.000-10:00

Photo-a-Day

So, I got off to a late start on the PAD project, thanks to an afternoon in the ER with Destructo. He's recovering, and will hopefully be bouncing off the walls before I am ready for it!

My PAD object is a wine glass. I'll be posting a new picture every day, unless life gets in the way!

You can check it out here.

2009-01-29T00:16:00.000-10:00

Daily Pixels

I'm going to revive my Daily Pixels blog, but with a twist this time.

I've been spending a lot of time on my photography lately.....which explains my absence from Bloggy World. Instead of the randomness that Daily Pixels once was, I'm using it for a photography exercise of sorts. One of my photo groups is doing a 1 item/30 days challenge and I've decided to play along (although I am using a calendar month, because it just seems more neat and orderly that way....and I'm anal about order).

This is how it works: I choose an item, any item. I take a picture of that item every day.

Simple? Boring?

Not so much. It's all about creativity and finding new ways to photograph a basic object.

I've already selected my item. Tune in February 1st.

2009-01-27T01:57:00.001-10:00

Making My Day

Tonight was swim practice for the Wildcard. As usual, I double-parked just outside the door of the gym where he practices and waited for him to hop out and run into the building.

I always watch him go inside because you never know what's going to happen in those ten yards between the car and the security of the gym. I guess it's a paranoid mom thing!

Anyway, nothing ever happens. He gets out of the car and three seconds later disappears inside.

Tonight was different.

Something happened.

The Wildcard left the car with his usual smartypants teenager remarks, then headed to the door of the building. As he reached the door, he glanced over and saw a young mother loaded down with a wriggly toddler and a huge diaper bag. She was heading to the gym too.

He said something to her, then reached over and took the diaper bag off her hands and held the door for her. He followed her inside and I saw them head off in the direction of the toddler gym (drop-in care). A few seconds later he passed by again, empty handed, bouncing off to the pool like a typical goofy teenager.

He has no idea how proud I was of him.

2009-01-17T13:17:00.000-10:00

That's Why He Wears the Silly Blue Vest

I finally grew tired of the cable running between our two downstairs computers and decided it was time to replace the faulty wireless card and get rid of the dang wires.

I normally avoid WalMart whenever possible, but I had just dropped the Wildcard off for swim practice and it was the only place to purchase the card without going out of my way. I knew pretty much what I was looking for, spent a few minutes comparing different wireless options, then made my decision and looked for a clerk to open the glass case for me.

As luck would have it, there was no line for the cashier in electronics, so I headed over to see if the clerk had a key.

The clerk was a young guy, probably 19 y/o max, and had the pale skin, physique, and personality of someone who spends most of their waking hours with online gaming activities. I told him I needed something from the case, and we headed over to take a look.

When I pointed out the card I wanted, he hesitated......sighed......then asked if I was sure.

I reassured him that I was certain it was what I needed.

Again, a sigh, this time combined with eye-rolling and head shaking.

"Ummm, are you sure this is what you want? Because you have to, you know, open your computer up to install it. Like, remove screws and stuff. It's kind of complicated."

I told him it was definitely what I wanted.

He wasn't convinced that I could handle the tech aspect of installing the card, and apparently he wasn't sure he wanted to sell it to me.

Finally I caved and channeled my inner blonde.

"It's okay. I have a teenage son. He knows all about this electronics stuff. He can install it for me."

The clerk sighed again, in relief this time.

"Okay - that's great! This is really a good card, one of the best, and I highly recommend it!"

Yeah, just shut up and sell me the damn card so I can get home and install it. All by myself.

Reason number 1,472,349 that I hate going to WalMart.

2009-01-09T00:09:00.000-10:00

I Love Her.

Since the day we found out we would be leaving Hawaii, the Diva has been budgeting and saving so that she could take an annual trip back to the islands.

I have to admit, I was a bit envious when I took her to the airport last week. Even the thought of nine days of couch-surfing didn't turn me off from the idea. Hawaii is Hawaii, and I miss it a lot.

She called every day, just to check in and let me know she was okay. She tried to sound like she wasn't having THAT much fun and didn't offer many details about where she was, most likely because she grew tired of me sobbing into the phone.

She came home tonight, and she talked non-stop all the way from the airport about how great it had been to be back. She went hiking, snorkeling, lounged at the beach, ate at all her favorite places, hung out with her friends, and just chilled like a local. It was so great to hear her so fired up about her trip.

And I was jealous.

As she unpacked, still babbling on about her trip, she said she had gotten me something and handed me a bag.

Before she left, I had told her to not buy anything. I just wanted her to have fun, so I really, really wasn't expecting anything.

What did she get me?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Rubbah' slippahs, of course! I wore through my last pair and have issues with flip-flops and other shoes, so I've really been missing my slippahs!

2009-01-05T22:28:00.000-10:00

What Happens in Vegas....

After a series of regrettable decisions, the morning after Christmas I found myself up at 6 a.m. driving east toward Vegas. The Wildcard was sound asleep in the back seat while Destructo jabbered away next to him like any 4 y/o would if they had been up most of the night.

I'm not a fan of Vegas at all, but had agreed to let the Wildcard spend a long weekend with his friend over Christmas break. Rather than drive out and back twice within a week, I decided to pack some camera equipment and head off with Destructo for four days. How bad could it be, really?

The drive out there was easy, traffic was light, and Destructo kept me company the entire time. We dropped the Wildcard off at his friend's house and headed to our hotel.

This is where I have to give props to my local friends in Hawaii.

Vegas is the top tourist destination for those living in Hawaii. Whenever the subject came up and we mentioned how we didn't care for Vegas, we were told to stay away from The Strip. Apparently The Strip is for amateurs and tourists, and Fremont Street is the place to be.

So, I had booked a room at the Golden Nugget, which really amused Destructo. He referred to it as the Chicken Nugget and giggled like a little girl every time he said it. The hotel had been recently renovated, was right on Fremont Street, and was highly rated. I still had no idea what to expect.

Parking was easy and free, there was no wait for check-in, and our room was large, clean, updated, and came with a view of the snow-capped mountains. We dropped our luggage in the room then went downstairs to check out the hotel's main attraction - the shark tank in the middle of the pool.

We spent some time at the shark tank, in spite of temperatures in the 30's and strong winds. Destructo named each of the sharks (at least once each), and declared the "Cheetah Shark" to be his favorite.

When I was able to drag him away, we headed out of the hotel to check out the Fremont Street Experience by daylight.

Fremont Street is vintage Vegas. It features the cool lighted signs that you see in all the old Vegas movies that I can't name because I really don't watch many movies. I just always remember seeing the lighted cowboy dude sign in a Vegas movie, and that's what I always thought of as very Vegas.

Anyway, we walked the (uncrowded) street to the end and back, stopping for a Happy Meal on the way back. That section of the street is pedestrian traffic only, with the exception of a few cross streets. We actually came across several employees out sweeping up cigarette butts and dead leaves off the sidewalk and street. It was definitely different than the porn littering the sidewalks of The Strip!

We stopped to see the sharks again on the way in, then chilled in our room for a couple of hours watching cartoons and Deal or No Deal (Destructo's new favorite show). After dark we headed to the street again, just so I could get a few pictures, then stopped to see the sharks before calling it a night at 6:30 p.m.

I had decided in advance that the two places I wanted to see while we were out there were Death Valley National Park and Valley of Fire State Park. We did those on Saturday and Sunday. Neither was a disappointment, even after factoring in the 1-2 hour drive.

Valley of Fire had great rock formations, and caves for Destructo to play in.

We spent a good 90 minutes climbing the sand dunes of Death Valley, then headed off to explore the rest of the park.

On Saturday afternoon, after Valley of Fire, we headed to The Strip because I had promised Destructo he could see the dolphins and tigers at the Mirage and go to the M&M store. They are about a mile apart, so we parked near the M&M store and walked to the Mirage.

The Strip was everything I remember, and so much more. The whore vendors were out in full force, handing out flyers to any male who walked by. The sidewalks were wall-to-wall people in various stages of drunkenness, and would have been a great people-watching opportunity if I hadn't been there with a 4 y/o. We did what we set out to do, then headed back to the comfort of our hotel.

Overall, it was a nice break from the monotony of day-to-day life. I got to spend quality time with Destructo without distractions, the Wildcard had a great time with his friend, and I got a few hundred great photos from the weekend.

2008-12-24T00:19:00.000-10:00

First, Check the Obvious

So, last night I was sitting up waiting for the Diva to get home from a night out with her friends.

Normally I don't wait up for her, but it was getting late and I hadn't heard from her so I was a bit worried. Even though she is 20 y/o, if she isn't home she always calls by 1 a.m. to let me know she's okay and to give me an idea of when to expect her home. If I'm asleep when she comes home, she always lets me know she's home.

Last night she left the house sometime after 9 o'clock. One o'clock came and went and I never heard from her. I sent her a text at 2 o'clock, but she never replied.

This is when I started to worry.

She never forgets to call....sometimes she is late, but she always calls. If she forgets her phone, she borrows one. If I don't answer my cell, she calls the home phone and/or leaves a message.

Last night, nothing.

I called her four times between 2:00 and 3:30. It rang several times, then went to voice mail.

At 3:45 I turned off the television and tried to call one more time. After dialing her number, I heard a ring.......

The ring was coming from upstairs. In her bedroom.

I walked outside, and there was her car in the driveway. She had been sound asleep in bed since some time around midnight. I was cleaning the toy room when she came home, and she assumed I saw her when she walked by.

Next time I'm checking the driveway first.

2008-12-01T22:49:00.000-10:00

Feeding Your Inner SuperHero

Last night I made grilled catfish for dinner. Sometimes Destructo will eat them, sometimes not.

Last night was a no-go.

He didn't eat dinner, but I wanted him to eat something before bedtime. He wanted a Pop-Tart and Capri Sun instead of fish. I reminded him of the conversation we had had a couple days earlier about protein, and how it helps build big muscles.

So, when he refused to eat the fish I told him I had a secret for him. He came over to me and I whispered, "Wildcard didn't eat his fish. If you eat yours, your muscles will grow and his won't. Maybe eating the fish will make you stronger than your brother."

That was his motivation.

He took a couple of small bites, but I could tell he needed more convincing. I put a piece of fish on the fork, then pointed to his left bicep and said, "This protein is going to make THAT muscle stronger!"

He ate it, and I continued to point out a different muscle with each bite.

There were two bites left on the plate when I got to his calf muscles. He said he didn't think he needed strong calf muscles, but I told him those are the muscles that help him jump high. So he ate.

Once his plate was empty he walked over and started beating on Wildcard.....just to test my theory.

2008-11-30T01:23:00.000-10:00

Why I'm Not a Rocket Surgeon (Reason #427)

(Or a Brain Scientist for that matter.)

For the past few weeks I've been freezing my butt off out here. I have one sweatshirt and a couple of long-sleeved shirts that I bought when I went to Michigan this fall. Other than two pair of capris (which look awful on me since I'm so short), all the clothing I own is suited for a tropical climate.

So tonight I was sitting at the computer, wrapped in the throw from the sofa, and trying to stay warm while I attempted to get some work done. It was laundry night, so my limited supply of warm clothes were dirty.

Suddenly it dawned on me that the Hubster wasn't here......and I knew he had some sweatshirts somewhere.

I ran upstairs and started looking through his half of the closet. It didn't take long before I hit the jackpot - there was a box on a low shelf clearly marked with his name followed by "Winter Clothes". I tore through it and found sweatshirts galore! As I was pulling one over my head, I caught a glimpse of a box on the next shelf up.

It was clearly marked with my name......

Followed by "Winter Clothes".

I swear I got rid of everything when we moved from Oklahoma, but obviously I was wrong.

The box contained three sweatshirts, two thermal shirts, three sweaters, a pair of wind pants, two pair of yoga pants, a pair of jeans, and a ton of socks!

Bring on winter!! (Or at least the SoCal version....)

2008-11-11T23:53:00.001-10:00

Seven Days

That's how long Destructo had to keep his attitude in check in order to get a fish.

He wants to teach it to do tricks, like a dolphin, and wave with its hands.

But it can't ride a motorcycle, because fish don't ride motorcycles.

His big disappointment? Fish don't have eyebrows.

2008-11-07T08:55:00.000-10:00

Ten Things I've Never Done

A photo group I belong to has weekly challenges. This week's theme is "I've never....."

This got me thinking, and wondering what I've never done, and if I'm missing out on anything. So, I put together a list of Ten Things I've Never Done. It was more challenging than I thought.

1. Gotten a massage. I don't like the feeling of having my muscles kneaded like that, and I don't like people touching me. My sister is a massage therapist too, so I bet I could get a family discount if I wanted one. But I don't.

2. Eat sushi. Looking at it grosses me out. I think it goes all the way back to our days in Japan when we would go out for sushi with a group of friends. (I always stuck with the tempura.) The restaurants were always hole-in-the-wall places down tiny side streets that smelled like binjo ditch/raw fish/rotting flesh. Thank God for good beer.

3. Fix my own car. It's the one area where I prefer to be a dumb girl. I don't want to know how to fix things, I want someone to do it for me.

4. Love science. I find those science and nature shows to be incredibly boring. The Hubster loves that sort of thing, and passed the gene on to all the kids. I'm thankful, for their sake.

5. Skydive. Someday I will.

6. Smoke (anything). Just never appealed to me.

7. Watch Oprah or The View or Desperate Housewives or Grey's Anatomy or anything with CSI in the title. Actually, now that I think about it, I can count the shows I DO watch on one hand. I like it that way.

8. Read Harry Potter. The boys have all the books and love the series. I don't get it.

9. Wear anything strapless. It'll fall off. Enough said.

10. Drink coffee. The smell nauseates me. I keep some on hand for guests and have a stash of Hawaiian coffees I give as gifts, but I've never tried the stuff myself. The Hubster doesn't drink it either. This is the one I decided to photograph for my group.

So, what have you NOT done?

2008-11-05T22:02:00.000-10:00

Change, Damnit.

Destructo's attitude, that is.

The past few weeks have been tough on him. He's a bit unsure what all the weirdness around here is about, and doesn't quite know how to handle it.

So, he acts like a teenager. But he does it on the level of a four y/o who doesn't understand teenage behavior or know how to apply what he observes in the Wildcard to his own four y/o life.

For example, the other day I asked where he put his shoes.

His reply?

"Oh..........now the widdle baby wants a bottle."

What?

Anyway, the other day we were driving home from somewhere and he had been sassy most of the afternoon. I was discussing his attitude with him, and recommended he change the attitude immediately.

Dead silence from the backseat, for several minutes.

"Did you hear me? Do you understand what I'm asking of you?"

"YES!!! I'm just trying to decide what attitude I want to change it to! Gah!!"

(I could almost hear his eyes rolling.)

Today we had a much better day than most of the past week. Again we were talking in the car. (I seem to do a lot of that, don't I?)

I mentioned that I was really happy with his attitude today. We talked about how everyone has bad days but they just have to deal with it and not use it as an excuse to be sassy or mean to other people. I told him that we all have bad days, even grownups.

His response?

"Yeah. I think Thursdays are my bad days."

Wish me luck. It's Thursday.

2008-10-29T21:48:00.000-10:00

Teenage Hormones, Round Three

I always have the best conversations with the kids when we are in the car. Today was no exception.

I had picked the Wildcard up from swim team and it was just the two of us in the car. I don't remember exactly how the conversation got to this point, but this is where it became interesting.

Wildcard: What's with my eyes, anyway?

Me: What do you mean?

Wildcard: On the first day of school three different people told be that I had really cool eyes.

Me: Were they girls or boys?

Wildcard: (It was dark, but I could imagine he was rolling those really cool eyes.) Mom! They were girls. Don't be creepy.

Me: Just asking.

Wildcard: Today some girl came up to me and said that she and all seven of her friends were in love with my eyes.

Me: Nice possee you have going there. Are they cute? Does this mean you have your first girlfriend?

Wildcard: No........none of them even asked me out. It's not like in Hawaii.

Me: (my interest piqued) What do you mean "not like in Hawaii"?

Wildcard: Girls asked me out all the time in sixth grade and seventh grade. It was creepy.

(pauses)

Wildcard: I don't know why I am telling you this. I have a strict rule about not mixing my home life and my school life. You aren't supposed to know this stuff. Pretend this conversation never happened, okay?

Riiiiiiiight!

2008-10-27T21:08:00.000-10:00

Boots in the Sand

Yeah, that too.

I probably won't be writing much about it for OPSEC and PERSEC reasons, but the Hubster left recently for Iraq. He'll be there for 7-12 months. Fortunately we're busy enough here that the time will (hopefully) fly by.

Prayers and good thoughts would be appreciated.

Things have settled down a bit now, and I plan to get back to my regularly scheduled blogging duties real soon.

2008-10-16T21:57:00.000-10:00

The Great Pumpkin, Destructo-Style

Fall is officially here. The days are shorter, leaves are beginning to change color, and there is a bit of a chill in the night air. It's been a while since we've experienced Fall (although the SoCal version is nothing compared to most of the rest of the country).

So, with Fall comes a trip to the pumpkin patch.

After Googling pumpkin patches and finding one nearby, I shared the good news with Destructo.

Me: Tomorrow is going to be fun. We're going to do something super-special!

Destructo: Oooohhhhhhh......

Me: We're going to a pumpkin patch.

Destructo: Huh?

Me: There are lots of activities for kids, a petting zoo, and a big field full of pumpkins. We can walk through the field and choose whichever pumpkin you want, then we'll bring it home and decorate it for Halloween.

Destructo: That doesn't sound like fun.

Me: Huh?

Destructo (totally excited, as a light bulb goes off in his head): How about we go to the race car patch? We can walk around, choose a special car, then bring it home and decorate it for Halloween!

I'm thinking I'm out of my league with this one.

2008-10-08T22:13:00.000-10:00

Initiation, Of Sorts

Apparently the SoCal seasons are Winter, Mudslide, Gloom, and Wildfire.

It's officially Wildfire Season.

There's a huge fire on the Marine Corps base, about eight miles from our house. Tonight after dropping the Wildcard off at swim team, I headed off to snap a few photos at sunset. The sky was filled with an eerie, hazy smoke....which made for awesome photos.

After the sun set, I shot these from our house.

Perhaps this ISN'T the place for us.....

2008-10-07T20:22:00.000-10:00

Mom, You're an Idiot.

So I'm in the commissary with Destructo.

My cart is overloaded with more crap than I came in for, forcing Destructo to huddle into a corner of the cart under an assortment of ramen noodles, Rice Krispies, and Cool Whip.

As I turn in the direction of the check-out, I realize that I forgot the evaporated milk for the pumpkin pies I promised the Hubster.

Me: Evaporated milk.....evaporated milk....must be in the baking aisle.

Destructo: Are we done yet?

Me: No, just one more thing.................not in the baking aisle. Evaporated milk.....in the cereal aisle?

Destructo: What are you looking for?

Me: Evaporated milk. Not in the cereal aisle. If I was evaporated milk, where would I be?

Destructo: What does 'evaporated' mean?

Me: Huh? It means it turns to vapors and disappears, like water into the clouds.

Destructo: So it disappears?

Me: Yeah. Where do they keep the evaporated milk around here?!!?!

Destructo: (total silence)

Me: Why can't I find the evaporated milk??!!???

Destructo: (looking at me as if I've lost my mind) Maybe it disappeared into the clouds.

2008-09-30T20:58:00.000-10:00

Just Messing Around....

Pollen on a hibiscus:

Water drops on spiderwebs:

Brightening the day:

Webby lines:

On the rocks:

2008-09-26T21:45:00.000-10:00

Irony?

First, thank you all for the kind words and prayers this past week. Things are slowly returning to normal, whatever that may be. Just when I think I'm doing okay, it hits me again and I break down like a little baby. Hopefully time will heal.

When I was home, one of the things we laughed about was my mom's inability to keep vases in the house.

She loved flowers but with eight kids running wild, her vases had a short life. It was funny because each time she got a new vase, one of us broke it. Once we were grown and out of the vase-breaking stage, her grandchildren took over the vase-breaking duties.

This afternoon I received a bouquet of flowers from a friend.

After thanking the delivery person, I went to the kitchen and started looking for a vase for the flowers. I dug through every kitchen cupboard and closet, but there were no vases to be found. I have at least half a dozen vases, but can't remember where the dang things were put when we unpacked.

For now, the bouquet is sitting pretty on my kitchen table...........in Destructo's airplane-shaped Lego container.

How ironic is that?

2008-09-23T21:07:00.000-10:00

An Enigma Wrapped in a Paradox With a Side Order of Sarcasm

My mom died last week.

It seemed somewhat unexpected and sudden, but in hindsight not so much.

She has suffered from severe arthritis most of her adult life, and at one point (35 years ago) she was given 5-10 years to live. Of course, being the Queen of Stubborn she completely ignored the doctors on that one.

In spite of the pain, she continued to get up every morning with a smile on her face and never once complained that life wasn't fair to her. The arthritis slowed her down and made everyday tasks more difficult, but that was never an issue for her. Anytime I called and asked how she was feeling, her answer was always, "Oh, I'm fine. How are the kids?"

Three weeks ago she began having difficulty getting out of bed and showering by herself. We (the siblings and I) began discussing assisted living facilities, with my mom's blessing. The decision was made that she should remain in her home, with increased assistance from my brothers and sisters who lived nearby. My mom was relieved.

This was approximately the same time she mentioned to my dad that God had told her she didn't have long to live, and she said she needed to finalize a few things.

Less than two weeks ago she was no longer able to feed herself, brush her teeth, etc. I spoke with her that Saturday and she said she was fine (and asked about the kids) but dropped the phone three times during the conversation because it was just too heavy to hold.

That Sunday we arranged for 24-hour in-home nursing care. My sister called at 3 a.m. Monday to let me know that they didn't think she would make it through the day. I talked with my mom for a few minutes. It was difficult for her to speak, so I talked about the kids. My sister said she smiled.

I spoke with her again Monday afternoon. She wasn't able to respond, but again she smiled.

Monday night she slipped into a coma and she died Tuesday night.

It happened so fast - I still can't wrap my mind around it all.

I've spent the past week laughing and crying with family, friends, and total strangers who came together to remember her. Interestingly enough, many of those who thought they knew her pretty well had no clue who she really was.

On the surface she was the tiny, frail woman who showed up for church every Sunday, brought her famous scalloped corn to potlucks, and loved going to her grandkids' Little League games and Christmas programs. She made handmade quilts for each new baby in the family and always had a supply of ice cream treats for any kids who may stop by.

Below the surface was much, much more.

She had a wicked sense of humor, and her favorite 'holiday' was April Fool's Day. I remember getting up on April 1st, getting dressed for school and standing out in the driveway waiting and waiting and waiting for the school bus to pick us up. At some point one of us would run back into the house to check the clock.....only to discover that my mom had set all the clocks in the house ahead by one hour, leaving us standing out in the driveway for well over an hour.

She was also famous for tampering with our April 1st lunches. Instead of our usual meat and/or cheese sandwiches, we would bite into our sandwich and discover cardboard, or cheese with the wrapper still on, or meat/cheese around the edges of the sandwich with the entire center of the meat/cheese cut out. If we opted for peanut butter and jelly that day, it usually had a creepy crawler inside.

With eight kids she had to be creative, especially with punishment. The usual spankings didn't work after a certain age, so she came up with alternative punishment. My favorite? The time my mom heard my brother say "Fuck!" His punishment? Stand on a chair in the kitchen and repeat "Fuck. Fuck. Fuck....." I'll never forget the look on my dad's face when he came home from work and found my brother standing on a chair in the kitchen saying "Fuck. Fuck. Fuck." My mom was standing with her back to him calmly chopping vegetables for dinner. That was priceless.

This is why it somehow seemed so appropriate when some visitors arrived at the funeral home with their 10 y/o son. The son, who has Tourette's Syndrome, took one look at my mom and blurted out, "Oh, that lady is SO dead!!!" I could almost hear my mom giggling from above.

Her funeral was very traditional. The church was packed. The choir sang. My brother and I assisted with readings. The priest had many comforting words for us. (Although he did say that my mom was never persecuted, except by her children.....hmmmmmm.....)

At the end of the service, there was one last bombshell for those who only knew her as the quiet, petite, church-going woman with the perpetual smile on her face. Waiting in front of the church was a handful of scruffy, bearded, leather-clad bikers standing next to their Harleys waiting to take up the tail end of the motorcade from the church to the cemetery. Yes, she was their friend too.

I'm going to miss her.

2008-09-12T20:06:00.000-10:00

I Miss.......

Rain.

We haven't had a measurable amount of rain since we arrived. I miss rainstorms, and the rainbows that follow. I miss the smell of the rain. And, finally, I wish we would have a nice heavy rainstorm to wash off all those loogies off the pavement. Now I know why people wear shoes here.

The Aloha Spirit.

Especially on the road. Everyone we've met here has been genuinely nice....which makes me wonder where all the crazy drivers come from. I'm not used to drivers who cut you off just to get to the light first, who think nothing of driving 6 inches behind you at 65 miles per hour, and who interpret a turn signal (for a lane change) as "hurry up before this bitch cuts in front of me!!".

Kona Brewery.

We've found many hole-in-the-wall restaurants to replace those we loved in Hawaii, but I could SO go for a grilled mahi mahi sandwich with fresh, homemade kettle chips.

Good Friends.

No explanation needed.

(sigh)

2008-09-04T21:00:00.000-10:00

Deja Vu?

You know that dream you have where you are back in middle school and you suddenly forget where your locker is? And you panic for a few seconds, then go ask the office ladies to help you? But when you try to ask for help, your mouth isn't working right so it comes out like, "Ecccusr m? I cadjjneajnflkdaksdfj." And the office ladies look at you like you are crazy?

Or the one where you show up for class and realize you brought the wrong book, didn't do your homework, or weren't even in the class? And when the teacher tries to tell you where you need to go, you can't understand what he's saying?

How about the one where you forget an important piece of clothing and don't realize it until you're in class, then just pretend nothing is wrong and hope no one notices that you didn't wear a shirt that day.

You would think that after all these years, it wouldn't matter any more.

....................

So, tonight was Back to School Night at the Wildcard's new school.

I arrived early for the new parent orientation, then began the ten-minute per class mini-schedule. First period went off without a hitch, as did second period.

I arrived at the Wildcard's third period and grabbed an open seat at the front of the room.

The teacher introduced herself, talked about her classroom policies, her expectations for the students, and parent involvement. Then she asked everyone to pull out their spiral notebooks and pass them to the front of the row.

I quickly glanced behind me and saw parents pulling notebooks out of purses, briefcases, and backpacks.

Okay, WTH was that?

Behind me were smug parents with the "See? I did my homework!!" look on their faces.

As they passed their spirals to me and watched as I passed them on to the teacher, I could feel their eyes upon me....

"OMG!! She didn't bring her homework!!!"

It was totally one of those middle school nightmares.

.................

The minute I walked back into the door that night, I called out to the Wildcard.

Me: Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmm...............Did you forget to tell me something?

Him: The spiral, right? I pulled it out of my backpack just after you left.......

Me: And?

Him: Sorry?

Me: Can you ask your teacher where she gets her hair cut? Because it is really cute and I can totally see myself with that cut.

Him: Mom? That would be embarrassing.

I guess I'll just e-mail her.

2008-09-02T21:26:00.000-10:00

Reality Bites.

The Blonde One is LOVING college. He loves his classes, loves his professors, and loves coming home to do homework.

He also loves being "the kid from Hawaii".

On the first day of his English class, the professor had them each stand up and introduce themselves, give the class some background, and tell them something interesting that they did over the summer.

The Blonde One introduced himself, discussed his future plans, then said he had just moved here from Hawaii this summer.

After class, half the students approached him and gave him a "you're cool" stamp of approval.

He was stoked.

His homework over the weekend involved writing an essay. He, being the cool kid from Hawaii, wrote about a bodysurfing experience at Sandy Beach. Sandy's is known for its treacherous waves, frequent drownings, and of course perfect conditions for bodysurfing.

When class time rolled around today, he was pumped up to share his essay and experiences with the class.

Unfortunately the professor had different ideas.

"Pass your essay to the person sitting behind you. They will critique it and we will discuss it as a group."

The Blonde One turned to see who was sitting behind him.

It was the 13 y/o brainiac who was taking college courses as part of her high school curriculum. He reluctantly passed his essay to the girl. The girl, I might add, is the same age as the Wildcard.

She. Ripped. It. Apart.

His writing style? Not so impressive. His grammar? Needs work. Content? Yeah, work on that too.

He said she was somewhat embarrassed as she passed it back to him.

She apologized.

He was flustered.

"Well........at least I am old enough to drive!!!"

Our family doesn't possess the "great comeback" gene, obviously.

2008-08-30T21:01:00.000-10:00

Kickin' My Ass

For the past few weeks the Hubster and I have been picking one morning and biking together.

The first week, we loaded the bikes into his car and headed to the beach. We found a nearby parking place and rode about 8 miles (round trip) along the beach. It was nice, relaxing, and just a bit of a workout.

The second week we parked further away, then did 14 miles at a faster pace. Not a problem, it was a good workout and we got to spend some time together.

I need to add, by the way, that we (okay, I) can't ride from our house, even though it is only two miles from the beach. We live in a hilly area, and there is a steep hill between us and the beach.....and I KNOW there is no way I can bike that hill (yet)!

So, we drive to a point past the hill, park and ride.

This morning, week three, we loaded up the bikes, grabbed some water and headed off to our pre-determined parking spot.

Somewhere between our house and the parking spot, I actually said, "You know, you don't have to take it easy because of me. Last week I kept having to brake because you were slowing down for me."

Big mistake.

Ninety minutes, eighteen miles, and numerous steep hills later I almost collapsed as we loaded the bikes back into the car. It was a killer workout and I wanted to vomit.

(That's how I knew it was a good thing.)

2008-08-27T21:41:00.000-10:00

Pop!!!!

Did you hear it?

That was the sound of the Wildcard's end-of-summer bubble bursting.

I've always given the kids one day at the end of summer, just before school starts again, to have an official Kids' Day.

They have 24 hours to do any/everything they choose (within reason and the law, of course). In the past it has included water parks, bowling, favorite restaurants, tons of junk food, and marathon all-night slumber parties involving video games and more junk food. There is no bed time, they choose the activities, and meals are at their discretion.

This year, since the Diva and the Blonde One are both in college, the Wildcard was on his own. He planned an all-night meeting on the Wii with two of his friends in Hawaii and one friend in Vegas. He would stay up all night, eat Barbecue Baked Lays, drink root beer until he vomits, then sleep it off the next morning.

The Vegas/SoCal/Hawaii logistics were all worked out - the marathon video game session would be two nights before school started, giving him an entire day to recover before starting at his new school.

Then, the Phone Call.

It was the Wildcard's school, the afternoon before the all-night gaming session.

Did I know that there was an orientation for new students beginning at 8 a.m. the following day? And that all new students were encouraged to attend? And, by the way, the Wildcard's shot record didn't show that he had received a varicella vaccine. I would need to show proof of that before school started.

(His shot record had been transcribed from other records a few years ago, and I knew he had been given the varicella vaccine...it was just a matter of correcting the records.)

So......the all-night gaming was cancelled.

The Wildcard was up at 7 a.m. for orientation (which turned out to be a total disaster, possibly blogworthy on another day).

After orientation I took him to medical to have his shot record properly transcribed. In the process they informed me that a varicella booster was overdue. It was ugly, but we chased him down and the immunization was given.

Poor kid. I feel like I owe him something after all that......

2008-08-19T22:09:00.000-10:00

Head Scratchers

Last week we received an e-mail from the Wildcard's old school in Hawaii. It seems that he is failing all of his classes this year, mostly due to non-attendance and not turning in his assignments.

I e-mailed the school and each of his teachers to let them know we have moved and he wouldn't be attending this year. Most replied, thanking me for making them aware of this.

On Thursday the Hubster received a call from the Marine who had replaced him in Hawaii.

They were looking for the Hubster, and wanted to let him know that his child (the Wildcard) was truant.

The Replacement informed the caller than we had moved to California over the summer.

The caller then asked if the Wildcard would still be attending the school.

Ummmmm.......the daily commute is a bit much, eh?

..........................

E-mail from our bank, exactly as received:

"Subject: Account has an NSF Check or ACH Debit

Your account, ending in , has a non-sufficient funds , in the amount of $. This item was presented for payment on , and subsequently returned for non-sufficient funds. A non-sufficient funds fee of $20.00 will be debited from your account."

Seven hours later, we received this follow-up:

"This is to advise you that an E-mail notification was sent to you in error. The E-mail subject states, “Account has an NSF Check or ACH Debit”. Please note this E-mail did not accurately reflect your account status. Please disregard it. We apologize for the inconvenience."

Really???? The missing information in the original e-mail never would have clued me in...

......................................

The Blonde One erupts into a serious case of the giggles as he is filling out a job application.

Mom!! Come and look at this question!!

He points to Question #12:

Have you had any felony convictions within the past seven years? (please select only one)

0 Decline to answer.
0 Yes. (please explain)
0 No.
0 Hawaii applicant.

Gotta love the Islands!!

2008-08-17T23:05:00.000-10:00

Good Gouge

"Sir, you drive until you see a traffic cone on top of a post. Turn on the dirt road just past the cone, and drive for a while. It'll turn to asphalt, then back to dirt. After ten or fifteen miles it comes to a 'T" and you turn left. Follow it to the end. Oh, and wear sneakers because you may step in fresh bison poop. And by the way, tell your wife there are lots of rattlesnakes up there."

With those directions, we ditched the kids and headed off.

Getting there was half the battle (okay, more like 90% of the battle). The dirt road was narrow and filled with rocks and ruts. As we drove on, the dirt turned to powder. Each stop left us sweaty, coughing and covered in dirt/powder.

Once we reached the top, the terrain completely changed. We were surrounded by rolling hills, trees, and ponds. It was like a different world up there, so quiet and peaceful.

I'm sure that's what the bison thought too.....quiet and peaceful until we pulled up and I started snapping pictures. This one was a bit ticked off. A few seconds later his friend stood up and they took a few steps in my direction.

I made a quick exit.

This is one of the ponds we found. The Hubster was wishing he had brought fishing poles because it was filled with huge fish. (If I was a fisherperson, I would remember what type of fish they were.)

The scenery at the top was breathtaking....

This is my favorite photo from the trip - it is the view looking back down the mountain. You can see all the narrow, dirt roads winding across the hills.

It's certainly not Hawaii, but it'll do!

(Oh, and we didn't see a single rattlesnake!)

2008-08-09T22:38:00.001-10:00

Blah, Blah, Blah, Right? Right?? RIGHT??!!??

Destructo has been taking swim lessons this month.

His first two-week session was great, from my perspective.

I was able to plop him into the pool with Miss Kara, then retreat to the sidelines and have intelligent conversation with the other moms. Destructo often emerged from his 30-minute lesson with dry hair, but it was okay as long as I was able to have a few minutes of intellectual stimulation.

The second session was totally opposite.

Destructo cried when he discovered that he had a new teacher, but quickly fell in love with Miss Alexa. He obediently did his head dunks, jumped into deep water, and practiced his front crawl.

For me, it was not so much fun.

The only other mom there was......well, annoying as Hell.

Not only was she constantly telling Miss Alexa how to teach the class, but she NEVER shut up about her kid.

A typical conversation went like this:

Annoying as Hell Mom: Oh, look!! They are going to do back floats now! Go Jakie, go!!! Good job, Jakie!

Me: Shut the Hell up. (Okay, that was just inside my head.)

Annoying as Hell Mom: (to me) Did you see Jakie? He is so cute! Isn't he cute?

Me: Shut the Hell up. (Again inside my head, but I can feel my lips resisting the urge to move....)

Annoying as Hell Mom: (looking at me now, making sure there is eye contact) Isn't he cute? Isn't Jakie the CUTEST THING EVER??!!??

So now I'm sitting there, trying to find a way to politely tell her that her kid really isn't that cute, at least not compared to the blue-eyed kid with the blonde curls, and by the way could you just Shut-the-Hell-Up?

And just then it happened.

Destructo, in an effort to impress Miss Alexa, popped out of his turtle float too quickly, too close to the edge, and cracked his head on the lip of the pool. There was blood, there was crying, and there was an exit.

Thank God for head wounds.

2008-08-04T23:47:00.000-10:00

Reality

So I'm puttering around in the kitchen, trying to avoid the chaos and mess that the Hubster just dumped all over the living room floor.

Suddenly Destructo comes running around the corner, carrying a drab brown pouch, excited out of his mind by his new discovery.

Destructo: Mom!! Look what Dad has!! You open it up and it transforms into a shovel! Just like my Transformers movie!

Me: Ummmmmhmmm.....that's super cool!

He trots off to rummage through the increasing pile of crap on the living room floor.

A few minutes later he returns, wearing goggles.

Destructo: Mom!! Do I look cool? These aren't for swimming though, Dad said they are sand goggles.

And he's off before I can respond.

By this time I've scrubbed the granite several times and the stainless steel is spotless. I'm working on organizing my spice cupboard when Destructo returns.

He's giggling as he tries to maneuver the corner in a desert cammo flack jacket. The Hubster is holding the jacket to keep Destructo's 35-pound self from collapsing into a heap on the floor.

Destructo: Mom, you should come out here and see all the cool stuff Dad brought home!

I shoot the Hubster a look, then go back to alphabetizing my spices.

Denial works well until you start tripping over it in your living room.

(sigh)

2008-07-29T22:34:00.000-10:00

More Fun With Imaginary Friends

Today our mailbox was filled with the usual junk mail.....grocery store flyers, catalogs, Val-Pak coupons, etc.

Amidst the junk, one envelope caught my eye.

It was an advertisement/solicitation from the Dish Network. The upper left corner of the envelope displayed their company logo, which you can see on their web page.

I must be pure evil, because I quickly called Destructo over and showed him the envelope. He knows about addresses on mail....the name in the center is who it's for, and the name in the upper left corner is who it's from.

I showed him the return address, and helped him sound it out.

Ddddd.........iiiiiiiii.........shhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

There goes my Gold Star for the day.

2008-07-27T21:15:00.000-10:00

I Hate To Say It.....

And I may regret saying it.

But....

We

Love

It

Here!

We're not missing Hawaii nearly as much as we thought we would, with the exception of a few things. We have been spoiled by Hawaii's beaches, the soft sand, turquoise waters, and blue skies. California beaches are grey.....grey skies, grey water, and grey dirt. Definitely not as photogenic as the Hawaii beaches!! The Hubster misses his Hawaii surf, but broke down and bought a wetsuit for the cold Pacific Ocean.

The traffic here can get crazy, especially on the freeways. A friend pointed out that we still drive like we are in the islands. Oh well, that's not necessarily a bad thing.

On the plus side, we LOVE the cooler weather. I'll probably complain about it when winter comes, but we love being able to be outside more than in Hawaii.

We love the convenience of everything. The Diva and Blonde One have a ten minute commute to their college. The Wildcard's school is less than that. The bank, the mall, any store or restaurant we need is within fifteen minutes. Parking is free and without hassle.

We have a Target (ten minutes away), Olive Garden (five minutes away), and Mervyns (ten minutes away)! It's the trifecta of things I've been missing.....I don't know if I'll be able to contain myself if I find an Auntie Anne's pretzels nearby!

We rented our house sight-unseen. Have I mentioned that we love it? (More on that another day.) The neighborhood is Norman Rockwellish, but in a non-freaky way. Our neighbors introduced themselves, had pizza delivered while we were unpacking, and sent their kids over to welcome our kids to the neighborhood.

People are (gasp!!) nice here! I called the DMV and not only did they answer their phone, but they were pleasant when answering my questions. The secretary at the Wildcard's school returned my call within an hour of leaving a voicemail. And.....sit down for this one.....I have had TWO pleasant shopping experiences at Costco!!! Not only were the employees friendly and helpful, but the customers smiled and didn't shove me out of the way to get free samples!!

It's funny because we've been avoiding California like the plague for the Hubster's entire career. It was never, ever on our list of places we wanted to be. Now we've been here three weeks and are already including it on our Top Three Places We Want to Retire list.

Crazy, eh?

2008-07-25T22:24:00.000-10:00

Question of the Day:

A woman walks into a grocery store carrying a pineapple, a jar of pickles, and a package of coffee filters. She makes a beeline for the Express Checkout and plops her items down in front of the cashier and says she needs to return them. She fumbles through her purse and comes up with a handful of wadded receipts, some from the grocery store and some not. She, the cashier, and the bagger look through the receipts and attempt to find a pineapple, a jar of pickles, and a package of coffee filters.

The manager has been watching from a distance and comes over to let the lady know that the coffee filters are not a brand carried by the store. The lady insists she bought them from the store, but after a brief argument decides not to press the issue.

Meanwhile, the cashier and the bagger find the pineapple and the jar of pickles on two different receipts, charged to two different credit cards. The cashier needs both credit cards in order to do the return.

Once again, the lady fumbles through her purse....this time looking for credit cards. She produces a half dozen cards, and the cashier attempts to match the card numbers to the receipts. She finds the credit card used to buy the jar of pickles, but not the pineapple.

The cashier says she can't do a return on the pineapple without the credit card. The lady argues and the manager steps in. After a few heated words, the lady grabs her pineapple, jar of pickles, and package of coffee filters and stomps out of the store.

The question of the day....

Who was next in line?

2008-07-16T21:56:00.002-10:00

Dish

Destructo: Mom, can I play with my friend today?

Me: Which friend would that be?

Destructo: Dish.

Me: Dish?

Destructo: Dish.

Me: I don't think I know Dish. Where does he live?

Destructo: He lives on Kauai.

Me: (silence)

Destructo: He's going to drive his Mustang here. He's five, so he knows how to drive.

Me: How do you know Dish?

Destructo: From swimming lessons. His class is before mine.

The Diva (not wanting to be left out of this conversation): What does Dish look like?

Destructo: Like me. Except his belly button is here (pointing to a spot three inches above his own belly button).

The Diva: Why is his belly button up there?

Destructo: Because he lives on Kauai.

(Duh.)

2008-07-14T22:47:00.002-10:00

It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like.....

Home!!

We're (almost) settled, finally. I have to finish hanging pictures, buy some new throw rugs, and find a solution for the lack of towel racks in the bathrooms....oh, and register the Wildcard for school.

Anyway.

It's been a long two months.

The move itself went well. After doing this more than a dozen times, we have things figured out and were able to handle the unexpected issues without getting stressed.

As far as the 'vacation' is concerned, it really wasn't that much of a vacation. We spent a lot of time handling issues related to aging parents - financial matters, medical care, etc. That, and mopey jet-lagged teenagers, sucked most of the energy out of me. We also received news that one of our neighbors in Hawaii was killed in Iraq, leaving behind a wife and four children.

On the positive side, in spite of the cold and rainy Michigan weather, we did manage a canoe trip and then had (almost) the entire family together for Father's Day. That's a rarity, since there are so many of us!

In Florida, Destructo went fishing for the first time....and ended up catching the biggest fish ALL BY HIMSELF while his brothers weren't watching him (grrr....). We also went to see the Bodies Exhibition in Ft. Lauderdale. It was cool and a bit gruesome at the same time.

Anyway, we're "home" now and getting back to normal. A makeover of the Blog is in order, to go along with the new life off the island. Stay tuned....

2008-06-20T16:48:00.002-10:00

Observations From the Road

1. A limo is a freaky experience at 4 a.m.

2. California is C-O-L-D!

3. There were squirrels on the beach.

4. Kids become best friends and worst enemies with so much togetherness.

5. Michigan was COLDER!

6. Be skeptical of any 50-something guy named "Freddie".

7. Florida is hotter and more muggy than I remember.

8. I need my own space.

2008-06-01T00:50:00.003-10:00

Crazy Update

Now that we're down to one computer, it's tough finding time to update things. Here's the rundown and a few pictures:

-The Blonde One graduated! His blondeness took over at the last minute and he almost wasn't allowed to walk due to a "wardrobe malfunction", but it all worked out.

-Quality of life sucks lately. We went from four cars to two overnight, and sharing vehicles means I am usually stuck at home with Destructo. We also went from six air conditioners to one, which means I am stuck in a HOT house with a 4 y/o who doesn't have any of his toys.

-On my third attempt, I finally found the trailhead to the Old Pali/Likelike trail!!! And when I did, I realized my camera battery was dead. Bummer. I hiked the trail anyway, but have no pictures to share.

-I did make it back to Koko Botanical Gardens. It was a hot, dusty, dry hike. There was a cool cactus patch in the middle, but other than that I would recommend checking out the plumeria groves and skipping the rest.

Plumeria of every color:

- We have had some of the most amazing sunsets. I captured this from my front porch last weekend:

- Each year on Memorial Day there is a lantern floating at Magic Island. It's a Buddhist tradition where lanterns with the names of those who have passed on are floated out to sea at sunset. We had gone to one in Japan, and I always wanted to go to the one here. Nothing like waiting until the last minute, eh?

2008-05-27T00:36:00.002-10:00

Weekend Weirdness

Friday Night, 2 a.m.:

I had just crawled into bed when I heard a car pull into the driveway and saw two MP's (military police officers) get out and head toward our back door. Three seconds later I heard the back door open, and someone enter our house. As I went flying down the hallway toward the kitchen, the swinging kitchen door opened and nearly hit me in the head.

It was the Blonde One, who had celebrated his last day of high school at the beach with his friends, and was supposed to be spending the night at a friend's house.

"Mom, I'm not in trouble. Except maybe with you."

The short version: They were still at the beach. Some of the kids were drinking. Everyone was given a breathalyzer. The Blonde One and his current Nottagirlfriend were the only ones to blow a 0.00000. Alcohol was confiscated. Anyone under 18 y/o was escorted home because there was a midnight curfew for 17 y/o kids.

I'm still trying to figure out exactly what to punish him for.

His friends were drinking. He drove two of them home, just to make sure they made it safely.

The M.P.s said he was very polite and cooperative, and had obviously not been drinking.

He was out past curfew, but I didn't realize there was a curfew for 17 y/o kids.

He asked the MP if he could keep the little white tube he had to blow into for the breathalyzer, and he thought it was really cool that they let him keep it.

Other than being a goofy teenager who wasn't where he told me he would be, I really don't have a lot to punish him for.....except maybe making me run outside and talk to MPs at 2 a.m.

2008-05-22T15:46:00.003-10:00

Poetry Slam

Sometimes the ideas they come up with scare me.

Take the Wildcard this time.

They are doing a poetry unit in English class, and their assignment is to choose a poem (any poem), analyze it, critique it, and explain where you think the writer is coming from. It's due next week, and he hasn't really started yet.

Oh, and it's an oral presentation.

No biggie, he's pretty good about getting things completed and turned in on time.

Tomorrow his school is having a carnival, of sorts. The teachers are all volunteering for dunking booths, face painting, and other activities. The kids get to have the upper hand for the day, dunking the math teacher or watching the music teacher dance the hula. It's a fun day, and the money raised goes back into school programs.

The Wildcard's English teacher came up with her own idea, something only an English teacher would attempt. For $1 she will write a poem about any subject of the student's choosing, no matter how obscure.

You read that right, and probably made the connection.

The Wildcard is going to pay his teacher $1 to write a poem on a topic she knows nothing about, then critique it for his oral presentation in her class.

I'm looking forward to the teacher's feedback on that one....

2008-05-19T15:08:00.004-10:00

The Power of Sir

After the packers hauled all our crap away, the base provided us with loaner furniture and a washer/dryer. We discovered this weekend that the dryer wasn't heating (and it takes approximately six hours to dry clothes without heat, FYI).

So, apparently the Hubster (aka "Sir") and I (aka "Justawife") each decided to handle the situation.

I called housing. I expected them to take a week or more to fix it, and was surprised when they told me they would send someone to 'take a look at it' between 1-3 on Wednesday. 'Taking a look at it' may or may not mean the same as fixing it, but it was a start, right?

The Hubster (aka Sir) contacted a 'Sir' at Housing. They said they would take care of it as soon as possible, most likely today.

Less than an hour later they arrived with apologies and a brand new dryer, tags still attached.

I need a title. Obviously "Justawife" isn't cutting it any more.

2008-05-16T23:35:00.002-10:00

Attracting the Crazies Yet Again

The Hubster hates being home on packout and moving days, and I don't blame him. There's always a bit of weirdness going on with our movers.

Take this week for example.

Packing out is a three-day process, usually two days of packing followed by one day of loading everything onto the truck(s). The moving company we had this time did a pack and load each day, which was awesome - our house was cleared gradually and we didn't have to live among cardboard and clutter while we waited for it to all be loaded.

Day one was uneventful.

Day two took a turn toward the bizarre early in the day.

The Big Guy of the three-man crew asked to use my phone. Not a problem.

I happened to be in the Blonde One's room at the time, which was just around the corner from the kitchen where he was using the phone. I heard him dial several numbers, but there was no conversation.

A few minutes later, my phone rang and when I answered it, it was a woman asking if I had just called her.

I told her I didn't, but someone else in the house may have called. I handed the phone over to the Big Guy who acted confused by the whole thing. He had a brief conversation, then hung up.

A few minutes later the phone rang again. It was the same lady asking who I was, then asking to speak with the Big Guy.

This happened two more times within an hour.

Finally the Big Guy came clean. The voice on the other end of the phone was his ex-wife and she was demanding more support. He called her from my phone, then hung up just to "mess with her".

She kept calling back to find out who I was, and why her ex was at my house.

The next time she called, I handed the phone to him and stood there until he told her the truth. My kids don't even pull crap like that.

Day three didn't turn weird until the afternoon.

I think the Big Guy felt bad for his behavior the previous day because he showed up with a large bag of "grinds of da kine!" (grinds=food; da kine really has no translation)

He explained that his girlfriend (NOT me!) works at Zippy's (the Hawaiian version of Denny's) and always brings home leftovers at the end of the day. The previous night she had brought home a bag of ham/cheese croissants, hotdog croissants, and some chicken wraps.

He declined my offer of refrigeration and plopped the entire bag on the kitchen counter, where they sat all morning. Keep in mind that this is May in Hawaii, we currently have no tradewinds, and we only have air conditioning in our bedrooms.

The Big Guy and his Two Accomplices went about their business, wrapping, packing, and loading throughout the morning, taking occasional breaks for 'da grinds'.

Early afternoon came, and the Big Guy was complaining of stomach pain. He asked if I wanted the other half of his chicken wrap, because it didn't seem to be agreeing with him. (Ummmmmm................no?) Almost an hour passed, and he was doubled over in pain. He asked if I would call an ambulance for him, then changed his mind and headed to the Diva's bathroom where he spent the next thirty minutes.

Meanwhile, the Two Accomplices continued working, sort of. Accomplice #1 slowed the pace, then had to go lie down in the truck for a long time. He came back just in time to take his turn in the Diva's bathroom while the Bug Guy took his place in the truck.

Accomplice #2 did the best he could, but by that time most of the wrapping and packing was finished. Loading the truck was a two or three person job.

Eventually they gave up and said they would return in the morning for an unprecedented (for me) fourth day of packout.

It's been a freakin' long week.

In spite of everything, I am optimistic that they did a good job, but I won't really know until I see my stuff again in July.

I'm hoping I don't open a kitchen box and find some grinds of da kine in there......

2008-05-16T00:00:00.002-10:00

So It Begins

Everything we own (except 1,000 pounds and six suitcases not to exceed 50 pounds each) is on its way to the Mainland. The remaining 1,000 pounds will leave in early June, and we will be on a plane soon after.

Moving sucks.

More on that after I get some much needed sleep and a Margarita or two.

2008-05-09T16:23:00.003-10:00

Maybe She'll Get Her Own 900-Number

I'm not sure what disturbs me the most about this story - that the Blonde One can do this with a straight face, or that the guidance counselor actually believed it.

The Diva is majoring in kinesiology, with a pre-physical therapy focus. Kinesiology is the science of human movement, basically how the body functions and moves.

So, the Blonde One was talking with his school guidance counselor this week, and she asked about the Diva and what she was studying in college.

The Blonde One inherited the sarcasm gene, which runs rampant in our family. I'm positive it is a dominant gene, because I'm constantly surrounded by smartasses, and they all seem to be related to me.

He told the counselor that his sister was a kinesiology major.

The counselor gave him a blank look, then asked what "kinesiology" was.

The Blonde One jumped at this opening.

Blonde One: She's studying to be a psychic.

Counselor: Oh. (long pause) I didn't know you could major in that.

Blonde One: It pays really well if you have a degree.

Counselor: She's a very smart girl, I just never pictured her as a psychic though. I'm sure she'll do well.

2008-05-04T23:20:00.002-10:00

Craigslist Crazies

We have a love/hate relationship with Craigslist.

We've had some very good luck selling things on Craigslist, but have also run into more than our fair share of freaks.

Like the lady who wanted to buy the Diva's vehicle.

The Diva has been trying to decide if she should keep her vehicle or pay $1,000+ to have it shipped to the Mainland when we move. She finally decided to list it on Craigslist just to see if she got any offers. If it sold, fine. If not, we'll ship. No big deal.

She listed it about a month ago for the Blue Book value, $7,200. Almost immediately we received a call from Crazy Lady, who seemed quite normal at this early stage of the game. Crazy Lady had been looking for that make/model, and was very interested in the Diva's vehicle. We talked for several minutes, and she told me how much she loved that make/model, she only drives that make/model, and would love to take it for a test drive before buying it. Then she said that she could not go above $6,300.

We said we would consider it, if it meant a quick sale.

Crazy Lady drove the vehicle and raved about how much she loved the make/model and wanted to buy the Diva's vehicle for $6,300. She asked if we could meet her at her bank the following morning to do the transaction.

Awesome, right?

The next morning when we met her at the bank, she said she wanted her mechanic to take a look at it first. We were okay with that, so we headed over to the auto shop and took a ride with the mechanic.

We drove around town while Crazy Lady asked about the quality of the vehicle in general, and the quirky noises of the Diva's vehicle. The mechanic said the make/model tends to run forever with few problems, then addressed each quirky noise she asked about. All in all, the mechanic said it was an excellent vehicle, and the little quirks could be fixed for under $200.

We drove back to the bank, where Crazy Lady said that based on her mechanic's recommendation, she couldn't offer us any more than $5,800 for the vehicle.

Huh?

She said the repairs would cost a few hundred dollars, plus the vehicle didn't have a cassette player and she would have to install one. It has a 6-CD player, but she only listens to cassettes.

I told her we wouldn't sell for $5,800. After some negotiation, we agreed on $6,000 only if we could complete the sale the following day.

The following morning she called and said that her friend told her we were taking advantage of her status as a single, older woman, and that she shouldn't be paying any more than $5,500.

So now we've gone from $7,200 to $6,300 to $6,000 to $5,500.

I said, "No thank you" and ended it there.

She followed up with an e-mail detailing why she should only pay $5,500 for the vehicle. Most of her rationale was that she was borrowing the money from a friend and wanted to pay it off in ten months. Her payment of $550 was going to strap her for those ten months, which was somehow our fault.

Fast forward to this weekend.

The Diva took her expensive sound system out of the vehicle and re-listed it for $6,300.

The first e-mail we received was from Crazy Lady: "I sure wish you had offered it at that price when I was in the market for a vehicle a few weeks ago."

WTF?? Then she would have tried to get it for $4,600??

Idiots.

2008-04-28T00:51:00.002-10:00

You Told Them WHAT??!!??

A conversation on the way home from church today:

Me (to the Diva): You need to let them (her employer) know that you are moving in a few weeks.

The Diva: I did. I just feel bad because I'm the only one who really does anything there, and they depend on me.

The Hubster: I'm sure they understand. They know that military families move a lot.

The Diva: Oh, I didn't tell them we were military.

Me: You didn't?

The Diva: No. I didn't want to get into all of that.

Me: What did you give as a reason for leaving?

The Diva: I just said that my parents were separating, and I was moving to California with my mom.

2008-04-20T23:11:00.002-10:00

Weekend Fun

This weekend I planned to hike the Koko Head 'stairs'. It's a pretty intense hike, more of a workout than a hike though. I've done them twice before, and they were on my list of things to do again before we leave Hawaii.

The 'stairs' consist of 1,100+ railroad ties from an abandoned trolley running up the steep side of Koko Head. For us short people, that's 2,200+ steps because the railroad ties are just far enough apart that they require two-stepping. This is Koko Head:

The stairs run up the right side, and start out at a somewhat gradual incline, but become much steeper the further up you go. Near the middle is a bridge which crosses a gully. That's a bit scary because if you make a slight misstep, you could easily break a leg.

Since the Hubster was moping around the house and grumbling about being bored, and because he seems to think I never break a sweat hiking, I invited him along. Two birds, one stone.

We used to live less than a mile from Koko Head, but he never paid much attention. As we approached the area, I pointed out the faint trail running up the side of the mountain. When I told him we would be hiking that trail to the top, he thought I was kidding.

I parked the car and we headed off in the direction of the stairs. He (somewhat quietly) grumbled under his breath. He hates hiking.....it reminds him too much of his early days in the Marine Corps when he was at The Basic School and had to do long hikes ('humps' in Marine Corps jargon) through the forests of Quantico, and had to use his land navigation skills to find his way out.

Once we hit the bottom of the stairs, he realized this wasn't going to be easy or a ton of fun. This is the view from near the bottom:

There were a few other people out there that day, and one who left an impression was a woman in black yoga pants and a white tank. She ran right past us as we were trying to focus on one step at a time. Before we had even reached the top, she came flying by again on her way down.

The views are amazing from the top. You can see everything from Diamond Head to Hanauma Bay to the Mokes. There are some trails at the top, and I usually wander off in a few directions before heading back down again. The Hubster wasn't in a mood to do any more hiking, so I snapped a few photos before we headed back down. Here's Hanauma Bay:

We were just starting back down again when the woman in the black pants and white tank reached the top again. We couldn't NOT say anything. After a quick comment about how she was putting us all to shame, she laughed and said, "I have four kids. You want to stay home with them? I do this on weekends because it's fun compared to being with four kids all week."

We laughed (with her) and headed down the hill. I heard the Hubster mutter under his breath, "Her kids must be real bastards if she does this for fun...."

Going down is a bit scary, because momentum carries you faster than you want to go. The stairs go most of the way to the baseball fields, then the trail leads to the parking lot beyond the baseball fields. Here is a view from near the top, and the scary bridge:

The closer we got to the bottom, the less the Hubster grumbled.

After we finished the hike, we went over to Sandy's and took surfer showers at the beach then headed off to the Olive Tree Cafe for a great dinner. It was awesome, as always!

2008-04-19T01:14:00.002-10:00

Genetics: Payback Time

Phone call from the Blonde One this afternoon:

Mom? I'm filling out this emergency medical form for graduation. I have a quick question for you....there's a section asking what to do if your child is injured and none of the emergency contacts can be reached. The choices are: Allow a school official to treat your child; Transport your child to the nearest medical facility; or Other. I said 'Other' and on the line I wrote, "I do not authorize my child to be treated in any way or transported. Instead I would like him to be offered as a sacrifice to Pele, the Goddess of the Volcano.

Is that okay? And can I forge your signature at the bottom?

2008-04-16T02:47:00.002-10:00

It Is....

The Blonde One had the bar removed from his chest last month. The surgery went very well, his recovery was fast, and he had his final follow-up appointment last week.

Final, as in we NEVER have to go back again. Ever.

Here's the original post. (The "Little Guy" is Destructo, before he was old enough to be destructive.)

And a follow-up.

And another.

One more.

(He wants to attach the bar to his key chain so he never loses his keys.)

2008-04-12T00:54:00.002-10:00

What Is It?

Hints:

It's bigger than a steak knife.

It's smaller than a golf club.

I've blogged about it before.

It marks the end of a (long) era.

When first seeing it, the kids responded like this:

The Diva: EEeeeewwww!! Get that thing away from me.

The Blonde One: Can I keep it?

The Wildcard: Well THAT explains a lot!

Destructo: I can whack someone with that!

Any guesses?

(Some of you already know.....no fair guessing!)

2008-04-10T01:10:00.003-10:00

What To Do, What To Do......

I am generally a nice person, in real life anyway. I will go out of my way to do a favor for a friend or stranger without expecting anything in return, and never really give it a second thought. It's no big deal to watch a friend's kids if they are in a bind, drive miles out of my way so that a stranger/newbie to the island could follow me and find his/her destination, or let a teenager move in with us to escape a bad family situation. No big deal, really.

Once you piss me off, it's a totally different story.

So, this weekend the Blonde One put an item up for sale online and sold it for a substantial amount in a short period of time. The buyer paid via PayPal, and the item was delivered. Transaction complete, right?

Wrong.

The buyer immediately turned around and disputed the transaction with PayPal, who then put a hold on the money in our account and began a sham investigation.

We spent four days trying to get in touch with the buyer via IM's and various e-mail accounts. He wasn't responding. He also never responded to PayPal's questions.

Google is my best friend, especially when dealing with idiots. They post everything online.

It took less than an hour to find out where this guy lives, his phone number, his employer, an alternate IM and e-mail address, his girlfriend's name and address, where he went to high school, his age/birthdate, his turn-on's and turn-offs, and how much rent he paid on his previous apartment. That and a whole lot more, including dozens of pictures of him being a total loser.

My research proved that he had no intent to follow through on the transaction, that it was his PayPal account, and that he was a total loser. (Oh, I already said that.)

With a few phone calls I was able to get most of the item back to the Blonde One (it was an intangible). Loser then felt the urge to respond to PayPals inquiries, and the transaction was canceled by PayPal, based on the fact that we "took" our item back.

Now the interesting part:

The loser lives in Michigan, not too far from where my family is. I'm sure he thought he could easily get away with scamming a kid in Hawaii. After all, what are the odds of someone from Hawaii showing up at his door?

The Hubster wants to kick his ass. (We will be there in June.)

I want to intimidate him via e-mail for a while first, then kick his ass.

The Blonde One wants to post his phone number on a public forum and let all the freaks call him, then kick his ass.

What would you do?

(Disclaimer: We would never do anything illegal. I'm willing to go right up to that line though.....)

2008-04-06T02:54:00.004-10:00

Playing Catchup....

The kids were on spring break last week, so one day I ditched them and had a 'me' day.

My activity of choice was hiking, of course. On the east side of Oahu is Makapu'u, which has two popular hikes, the Tidepools and the Lighthouse. I had done each separately, but never on the same day. Combining the two is a great workout, and will leave you with a nasty sunburn if you don't reapply sunscreen halfway through the day.

The Tidepools are (obviously) along the shoreline, while the Lighthouse trail leads to the top of the cliff. I started out with the Tidepools and worked my way around to the east side, where I hiked up the cliff to the Lighthouse trail. Once I reached the top, I stopped to watch a pod of whales playing off the coast. It was an awesome day!

(I apologize for the small picture size, but I found several of my photos for sale on another website and am doing my best to prevent that from happening again!)

The Tidepools on the south side of the island:

A look back down at the tidepools on the east side:

The view of the Windward side from the very top of the lighthouse trail:

And finally, the lighthouse itself:

After spending four hours hiking those two trails, I went to the Koko Crate Botanical Gardens. I have more plumeria photos than I know what to do with, but will have to save those for another day!

2008-03-30T00:39:00.002-10:00

Recipe of the Day

We've finally perfected it.

Nearly two years ago, the Hubster's dad ordered a Lava Flow at the Hale Koa luau. We all sampled it and agreed on its deliciousness.

It's been mentioned a few times since then, but a few months ago the Hubster and I set out on our mission to recreate that deliciousness. Each weekend we would try a new recipe, or tweak one we had already tried, all in an attempt to get it right.

All of our tweaking, sampling, and research led to this, which makes two LARGE servings, three above average servings, or four luau-sized servings:

A few hours ahead of time freeze the following ingredients separately: Two bananas, 1/2 cup strawberry syrup (the type used for Margaritas), and 1 cup pineapple juice.

In your blender, mix 1 cup frozen sliced strawberries, the frozen strawberry syrup, and 1/2 cup light rum. Blend until smooth, then pour into a cup and stick it in the freezer while you finish the recipe.

Rinse and dry blender, then toss in the frozen bananas, frozen pineapple juice, 1/2 cup cream of coconut (we keep it refrigerated), and 1 cup (or so) of coconut rum. Blend well, then gradually add 4 cups of ice (16 large cubes).

(The key is to work with frozen/chilled ingredients as much as possible, and work quickly before anything begins to melt.)

Pour 1/3 of the strawberry mixture into each of two LARGE glasses. Slowly add the banana mixture, pouring along the side of the glass to prevent it from mixing with the strawberry layer. Split the remaining 1/3 cup of strawberry mixture between the two glasses, adding it as a top 'lava' layer.

Enjoy.

Notes:

The LARGE servings are very large! Think Jamba Juice sized.

This is a dessert-type drink. It's more like a smoothie than a "drink". Don't attempt it on a full stomach.

I don't like banana flavored foods or pineapple, and am not a huge fan of coconut.....but this is yummy!!

2008-03-25T02:07:00.004-10:00

Ignorance is Bliss

Or at the very least, it makes my life less complicated.

In early 1990 the Hubster got his first real set of military orders. He and I, with toddler Diva in tow, headed to the nearest military installation (two hours away) and went through the process of arranging our first official military move (PCS, in military terms).

There have been eleven moves since then, and I've arranged them without assistance from the Hubster. Not that he's slacking or anything, he just had a real job and other places to be. No big deal.

So, we're now working on move number 13.

When I called to make an appointment to ship our household goods, I was informed that we had to attend a mandatory PCS seminar. I literally laughed out loud.....I've done this a dozen times, and NOW they are requiring lessons?

The annoyed voice on the other end of the phone line said that either my husband or I would have to attend the four-hour seminar.

So, after finding out that I couldn't get Destructo into the drop-in center the day of the seminar, it was decided that the Hubster would fulfil our mandatory PCS seminar obligation.

B-I-G Mistake.

He came home with a binder full of 'useful' information and a look of panic in his eyes.

He went on to inform me that we rated two 'moves' (HHG and 'express') and I needed to arrange them separately, limit the express to 1,000 pounds, and separate those items before the packers arrive. He also explained the process for shipping our vehicles, and let me know that they each have to be arranged separately. Then there was the issue of the dog. And did I know we could hand-carry our medical records? I needed to file paperwork for that. Also, it would be a good idea to get the Wildcard's school records before we left, and research schools in the new area before we got there. Oh, and did I know that I had to arrange for Aloha (Flintstone) furniture after they took our HHGs? This went on for a good fifteen minutes, while he passed along his newly acquired expertise in all things move-related.

(Yawn.)

His binder included checklists and timelines, and a handy, dandy calendar so we could sit down and calculate all the important dates and make sure we met all deadlines.

(Yawn.)

When he was finished, I got my Day Planner that I keep by the phone and write everything in. I pointed out the dates where I had written "Packout", "Express", "Notify Housing", etc.

He looked at me and said, "Oh. You've done this before?"

Ummmm......yeah. Without any official training.

2008-03-20T01:08:00.000-10:00

Someone Needs a Hobby

Or perhaps a different hobby.

The Hubster bumped into a long-lost colleague the other day, and they spent a good hour catching up. He learned that this particular guy is now married with children, and is living very near where we will be once they pry us off this island.

The Colleague then mentioned that his wife loves to entertain. Not that she 'enjoys' it, but she actually 'LOVES' it. To her, it is an artform and a science, with a bit of therapy thrown in.

He warned us that we will be invited to his house for dinner.

Then he went on to explain.

As hostess, his wife appears to be flitting about, chatting with guests, and making sure the evening goes off without a hitch. However, in the back of her brain, she is constantly making mental notes about the visit.

After we leave, his wife will clean the house spotless, then sit down at the computer and type up an after-action report detailing what worked and what didn't work throughout the evening.

And then it gets really weird.

A file will be created for each of us. In that file she will include highlights of our conversations and make notes about our meal preferences, just for future reference.

Example?

If I choose Italian dressing for my salad and avoid the olives, notes will be made. The next time we visit, the Italian dressing will be waiting, and there will be no olives on the salad.

If the Hubster mentions that the texture of the cheesecake is "different", she will not serve it to us again.

If we mention our love of Jamaican reggae, next time we visit she will bring out the Bob Marley and be sporting a rasta wig while ganja simmers in the potpourri burners.

(Okay, I'm really not 100% certain on the wig.)

That's just too much pressure.

2008-03-16T01:10:00.002-10:00

Fun With Phonics

A few days ago the Wildcard and Destructo were playing in their room when something went terribly wrong, at least from the perspective of Destructo.

I didn't hear the conversation, but the Wildcard's version went something like this:

"We were playing with Legos and Destructo's tower broke. He said the F-Word. Don't worry though. After he said it, I lectured him about saying the F-Word, and now he knows that it's a bad word. He won't be saying the F-word again."

So, flash forward to this afternoon.

The Hubster and I were taking the Wildcard and Destructo for Slurpees.

In spite of being a total control freak, I decided to let the Hubster drive. The boys were buckled in the back seat of my Race Car and I took my place in the passenger seat. The Hubster opened the car door and attempted to fit his 6' self into the driver's seat, where I had everything adjusted for my 5'3" self.

As he squeezed behind the wheel, he let out a loud "Ooouuuhhhffffffffffffff!!"

Destructo immediately piped up from the back seat:

"Ohhhhh......Dad said the F-Word!!!""

The Wildcard quickly corrected him by saying that "Oooouuuuuhhhfffff!" wasn't the F-Word.

Destructo was determined to prove his point.

"Yes. It. Is. Listen to me: OoooouuuuuuhhhhfffffFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!! That's an F-Word. You said F-Words are bad."

2008-03-10T01:47:00.004-10:00

Mistakes That Worked

My kids have a book titled "Mistakes That Worked". It is full of fun facts about failed experiments which led to unexpected, surprisingly successful results.

That was my weekend.

The Wildcard was supposed to attend an event on the Big Island this weekend. Unfortunately(?), last week we learned that the people in charge hadn't submitted the paperwork in time for the deadline. This left me with non-refundable plane tickets for the two of us to the Big Island this weekend.

We had planned to go to the Big Island with the Wildcard and Destructo before we left Hawaii, but unfortunately(?) this weekend didn't work for the Hubster. He said he would stay home with Destructo while the Wildcard and I went away for the weekend.

Initially, I felt a twinge of guilt. This was supposed to be a sort-of family trip, and now he and Destructo wouldn't be able to come with us.

As the week went on, the big story on the local news was the active lava flow on the Big Island. The lava would soon be reaching the ocean, and they were working fast and furious to open up a viewing area for the public. On Thursday they announced that the area would be open to the public beginning on Saturday.

My twinge of guilt went away as I began packing my camera bag.

The Wildcard and I flew over on Saturday morning, and spent a big part of the day exploring Volcanoes National Park. The last time we were there was many years ago, and the Wildcard doesn't remember much of it. It was awesome, in spite of the closure of a big part of the park due to hazardous volcanic gas. We did a lot of hiking, took tons of pictures/videos, and ate too many snacky, junky foods.

(And yes, I am a freakin' genius. One day I am complaining about the vog on Oahu, a few days later I am going directly to the source.)

So, anyway, our plan was to get to the viewing area just before sunset so I could get daylight pictures and after-dark pictures. (Okay, it wasn't really "our" plan. It was my plan and the Wildcard had no choice.)

The lava flow was just outside Volcanoes National Park, but because lava had crossed the road years ago, the only way to access it was to leave the park and circle around to the other side....a 70 minute drive.

As we neared the viewing area, traffic was pretty heavy (by Big Island standards!). We spotted a sign informing us that the viewing area was 2 miles ahead. Because I'm a freakin' genius, I immediately began looking for a parking space. It took about a mile, in stop-and-go traffic before I found one, then pulled in and was so excited that I had found a close space.

We gathered our supplies (camera, tripod, video camera, camel pack) and started off on the remaining mile to the viewing area.

After walking a mile, we came to a gate with a sign reading "Parking for volcano viewing. Viewing area 2.2 miles."

So much for genius. We walked another 2.2 miles down a narrow gravel/dirt road before we finally reached the lava fields. That's 3.2 miles, one-way. And that's after spending the earlier part of the day hiking at Volcanoes Park.

The Wildcard was a trooper. He didn't complain a bit, but was concerned that we may be disappointed after walking 3.2 miles. I wasn't much help with that one, because I had the same concern. If I walk that far, each way, it better be amazing!

It was.

The area where the lava was flowing used to be a subdivision. Few houses were spared.

This is the lava flow coming directly at us. It was moving slowly, but steadily.

I was surprised how close they let us get. It was really quite dangerous, and people are idiots. We saw people doing a lot of stupid things while we were out there.

This was another area, where the lava was approaching some trees and brush. Whenever it reached the trees or brush, they burst into flames for a few brief seconds, then were gone. Everyone was waiting for that large tree to go. We waited about 20 minutes, then moved on. About half an hour later we saw it go up in flames from a distance. Amazing.

This was just some random brush burning.

Lava flow after dark. I was SO glad I had my tripod, or none of these would have turned out. The ground was so hot from the lava beneath it that the rubber 'feet' on my tripod were turning to mush. And for the record, I'm annoyed that the lady on the other side used a flash and ruined my picture.

More after-dark photos. The steam in the distance is where the lava was flowing into the ocean. No one was allowed near that....apparently it releases hydrochloric acid and other fun stuff, so they thought it was best to declare it off-limits. Personally, I think they should have posted the warning then let the idiots make the choice to go out there.....but that's just me.

It was totally worth the trek out there, and the walk back in total, pitch-black darkness.

They weren't sure how long the observation area would be open to the public, and I'm so glad we had the opportunity to go out there on Saturday. On Sunday, the area was open but the lava had stopped flowing. There really was nothing to see anymore.

So.............the timing couldn't have been better. If Destructo had been with us, we never could have made the hike out there. Definitely a mistake that worked!!

2008-03-08T01:29:00.002-10:00

I Wonder....

Is it bad if you go island hopping for the weekend and your camera bag weighs more than your other bag?

2008-03-04T00:45:00.004-10:00

On a Clear Day....

On a normal, clear day we have awesome views of the mountains:

The past few weeks we have had a lot of days with light Kona winds, which blow in vog (volcanic smog) from the volcano on the Big Island. It was some of the worst I have ever seen. These were taken looking in the same direction as the three previous pictures:

Our mountains have disappeared!!

It's no wonder I've been feeling icky lately.

2008-02-28T02:08:00.002-10:00

Laughing With Me, Really

I know they couldn't be laughing at me, right?

A lot of years ago, when I had a real job and an identity of my own, I spent a lot of time looking at little numbers and computer monitors.

My optometrist recommended reading glasses to compensate for the eye strain.

Remember the '80's?

Remember big hair, shoulder pads and leg warmers?

Remember lace gloves and acid-washed jeans?

Remember 'The Breakfast Club'? Big bows in your hair? "Frankie Say..."?

You get the point.

I bought reading glasses in the 1980's. They were rather large gold rims with pink accents. Very 1980's.

Flash forward to 2008.

I'm old. My eyesight isn't what it used to be. My optometrist prescribed reading glasses, but I really haven't had the time to get the prescription filled.

So, one day I'm cleaning and purging and come across my 1980's reading glasses. I resist the urge, but try them on anyway. Things are much clearer with the 1980's glasses. I can actually read the fine print. I begin to use them for reading. And sometimes for computer use.

Flash forward to today.

I need to talk to the Wildcard's swim coach, but before I leave the house I get a sudden urge to research something on a map.

The map print is small, so I pull out the 1980's glasses to read it.

Flash forward to my conversation with the swim coach.

Many parents are there and we discuss the issues at hand. After several minutes of discussion, I hear the 5-minute warning for colors. (Colors being the time of day when the sun sets, the flags are lowered, and all action stops while 'colors' music is played over the intercom system on base.)

Since it is time for colors, the sun must be setting.

I wonder why I have not noticed that I don't need my sunglasses any longer, since the sun is setting.

This is when I instinctively reach up to remove my sunglasses and realize that I have left the house proudly wearing my 1980's glasses, with the wire rims and cute pink accents.

I'm such a dork.

2008-02-21T02:13:00.002-10:00

Drunk Dialing

There's nothing like those middle of the night phone calls.

I just love when I'm in a deep sleep and the phone rings at 3 a.m. Usually it involves leaping out of bed, tripping over something (or nothing), and fumbling around to find the phone....even though it's in the usual place on the nightstand. After pressing random buttons, I eventually find the magic button and mumble a quick "Hello?"

This is when my brain usually kicks in a bit.

Is it bad news? Is it a drunk dial? Why would anyone call me at 3 a.m.?

Why?

Because the 'Hilary For President' people can't seem to figure out that Hawaii isn't in the Eastern Time Zone.

They have called eight times in the past two weeks, three of those automated calls came in the middle of the night. I'm not registered to vote in Hawaii, so they must just be doing random dialing.

Either that or they are just trying to annoy me.

I have visions of Hilary and her Peeps sitting in a dark room filled with cigar smoke and empty martini glasses, laughing their asses off at the idea of using their free night and weekend minutes to annoy the people who won't vote for her anyway.

2008-02-14T23:33:00.002-10:00

My Brilliant Plan (Gone Awry)

Somehow the planets all aligned on Tuesday.

Destructo goes to 'school' for a couple of hours three mornings a week, just so I can get to the gym or have some 'me' time. He had been asking if he could stay for lunch some day, so a few weeks ago I reserved a spot for him from 8 a.m. until just after lunch on Tuesday.

Last week I learned that the Wildcard would have Tuesday off for a teacher work day.

The wheels started turning. I had the perfect opportunity to spend some quality time with the Wildcard.....what to do, what to do?

If left up to him, he would have asked to play Wii all day. If up to me, we would have climbed a mountain or something.

We compromised. We would do a relatively easy hike to Maunawili Falls, grab a quick shower, then go to his favorite (usually off-limits) fast-food place - Popeyes. If we had extra time we would hit the arcade.

The hike to Maunawili Falls is relatively flat and easy, but there are several spots where rock-hopping across the stream is required. (I sort of forgot to tell the Wildcard this part.) It's the rainy season, so the trail was extra muddy, the stream crossings were extra wide, and the water was extra high (but still not deep).

We traipsed through the mud and crossed the stream twice without any real problem. On the third crossing, I slipped on a rock and completely soaked my left foot.

It was the beginning of the end.

The Wildcard matched my dip into the water and raised it one slip/fall in the mud. I didn't fall into the mud, but I did step shin-deep into mud with the texture of chocolate pudding. I then upped it by slipping on the next stream crossing and wedging my foot 12"deep between two rocks. After that, there was one more slip into the stream for each of us and a gazillion mosquito bites.

The Wildcard was pissed and couldn't get out of there fast enough.

I stopped to take pictures, of course.

The beginning of the trail, the only dry part:

One of the stream crossings:

Lots of little falls along the way:

Anyway, because of the mud and one wrong turn, the hike took almost twice as long as expected. By the time we got home and cleaned up, we didn't have time to head across the island to Popeyes. The Wildcard was disappointed - he said he was looking forward to Popeyes more than anything else.

(Way to lay the guilt on....)

So, we headed to his second choice, Burger King.

We were loitering near the front counter after placing our order when we both heard the distinct sound of pre-teen girly giggles coming from a corner table. We turned around just as four pre-teen giggly girls came running across the restaurant calling the Wildcard's name.

There was no hole for him to crawl into, so he said a quick "Hi" then turned his back on them, hoping they would go away.

No such luck. They all wanted hugs.

That was the perfect topper for a perfect day....being hugged by four "annoying" girls in front of your mom.

(I told him next time we would do the arcade and Popeyes first.)

2008-02-12T01:34:00.000-10:00

How to Annoy Me With Voicemail

"I'm sorry, but I will be out of the office for two weeks beginning December 19. If you would like a quick response, please email me at kt(garble, garble, garble)@university.com. Otherwise, feel free to leave a detailed voice mail and I will return your call as soon as possible. Happy Holidays!"

(Beep)

Hi, I am calling regarding the applica.....

(Beep)

(Click)

.

2008-02-11T01:02:00.000-10:00

United Front

Saturday Night:

The Hubster and I had a discussion about the amount of time the kids spend on the computer, and the fact that Destructo is becoming a computer addict.

He knows how to log on to the internet, and he searches for Mustang sites. The Wildcard set up a shortcut to an airplane site, and Destructo can click on it and watch his favorite videos. He knows that most anything can be followed by "dot com". He's pretty good at sounding out words, and can usually find the site he is looking for. Example: Yesterday he wanted to look at monster trucks, so he typed in "mnstr trk" and found a bunch of monster truck sites.

We decided that enough is enough, and placed a daylight ban on the computer for everyone. The only exceptions were for business and homework.

As of 11:00 last night, we were in total agreement on this.

Sunday Morning:

Sunday is my day to sleep in.

The Hubster was up with Destructo and took him to the store to buy donuts, then for an early morning romp on the beach. This was followed by the non-stop, one-sided conversation about airplanes, Mustangs, and (of course) monster trucks.

I woke up at 9 a.m. and Destructo was playing games at Hotwheels.com, his favorite site.

Huh?

I asked the Hubster about this. His excuse was, "You need to be awake to enforce the rules."

So, now we officially know who the boss is.

.

2008-02-09T02:53:00.000-10:00

Public Service Announcement:

California, here we come!!

I wonder if I should change the name of the Blog?

Any suggestions?

2008-02-05T00:28:00.000-10:00

Homework, Gah

(Just kidding!)

Professor Liz is giving homework, and mine will be marked down for being late.

I've been tagged, but haven't had a chance to get to it until now. Here goes:

1. Link to the person that tagged you and post the rules on your blog.

That would be DaMomma, of course.

2. Share five random and/or weird facts about yourself on your blog.

- I once stopped rush-hour traffic at the train station in Osaka Japan. It was my finest moment, but really, those people just need to learn to adapt.

- My first attempt at photography was when I was in elementary school. My dad gave me a roll of black and white film to use in his camera and I raced home from school to take pictures of my brothers with our cows in the middle of winter. (Note to the brothers: I still have those pictures.)

- I like to be up high....on top of a mountain, on a cliff, the top floor of a building, and as a child I was the one who was dangling from the top branches of the tallest trees.

- Those Vermont Teddy Bear valentine commercials drive me nuts. Even more than the PajamaGram commercials.

- I often don't think I'm reserved and mature enough to be an adult, especially in a community of military officer spouses. I'm the mom who doesn't enjoy socializing over a cup of tea at the playground, and prefer to run around and chase the kids up and down the play equipment.

3. Share the five top places on your “want to see or want to see again” list.

- Alaska. We've planned this one several times, but life got in the way.

- Italy, the entire country.

- Pamukkale, Turkey

- Crete

- Glacier National Park

4. Tag a minimum of five random people at the end of your post and include links to their blogs.

Any volunteers?

2008-02-03T00:38:00.000-10:00

Update on the FIL

I want to take a minute to thank you all for your prayers, good thoughts, messages, and e-mails regarding the Hubster's father. We truly appreciate each and every one of them.

Since I made that post, this is what we have learned:

His doctor diagnosed him as having MDS Myelodysplastic Syndromes), and his is classified as high risk.

There is no cure. The treatment he is receiving is divided into two categories - those who can tolerate the treatment, and those who cannot tolerate the treatment.

Of those who can tolerate the treatment, 10-20 percent of those do well and can be expected to live 1-2 years. The remaining 80-90 percent live 10 months on average.

Those who cannot tolerate the treatment have "months".

We were concerned because the FIL has other health issues and is 72 years old. We didn't know how the treatment would affect him.

This was devastating news to all of us, especially the Hubster, who is very close to his dad. FIL had planned to retire in March, and they were already planning their trip out here for the Blonde One's graduation in May.

On Thursday the FIL got a second opinion. The doctor specializes in leukemia. He basically agreed with the diagnosis and treatment; however, he did have more recent data on the disease.

He said that instead of the 10-20% that the doctor had quoted for those who do well with the treatment, the numbers are more like 40-70%, and there was a possibility of remission! He added that the other doctor may not have had access to the newest data, or was just using a worst-case scenario.

So, where are we now?

FIL has finished his first week of treatment and has done well. His attitude is outstanding and he hasn't lost his appetite (although they stopped at McDonalds on the way home from treatment one day, so this is a debatable point). He is golfing tomorrow. He has three weeks off, and will return for another week of treatment at the end of the month.

They are exploring all options, including experimental treatment and immune system transplants. At this point, nothing is off the table.

I purchased tickets for the Hubster to go home later this month to visit his family. He has been home once since we've been here (four years). We will all be back there in June for a visit.

So, continued prayers and good thoughts are much appreciated. The shock has worn off and now we are just trying to figure out how to beat this thing. Updates will follow......

2008-01-31T23:31:00.000-10:00

Deja Vu

The nut doesn't fall far from the tree, or so they say.

The Hubster has always had a habit of using centrifugal force to get the last few drops of something out of the bottom of the bottle. If there's just a little bit of ketchup in the bottle, he could toss it out or simply tip it upside down and whack the bottle until the ketchup oozes out. Unfortunately, his preferred method is to hold the bottle upside down and spin his arm in huge circles until the force moves all of the ketchup to the top of the bottle.

This works well, as long as there is no one else in the room AND the lid is securely fastened.

Case in point: The Hershey Chocolate Syrup incident of 1995.

It was the first time I had left the Hubster in charge of all three kids (the Wildcard was just a baby). I came home to find chocolate syrup splattered in a perfect circle across our dining room floor, up the wall, across the ceiling, and down the opposite wall. He said he didn't have time to clean up the chocolate because he was busy putting out the fire in the backyard....but that's another story.

Anyway, the deja vu part.

It was yakisoba for dinner tonight. The Blonde One, being the finicky eater, requested plain baked chicken breasts instead. Not a problem since I was using chicken in the yakisoba anyway.

Dinner at our house is buffet style - make your plate in the kitchen and carry it to the dining room table. No one eats until everyone is seated with their dinner in front of them.

So, the yakisoba-eaters made their plates and were sitting in the dining room waiting while the Blonde One worked on his plain baked chicken plate in the kitchen. After a few minutes, the Hubster yelled to the kitchen to see if the Blonde One was coming.

All we got was "Ummmm.....yeah. Uhhh, check this out. I think I need some help in here."

(This was after he attempted to clean off the light switch, and when he decided he needed help.)

Ummmmm.....yeah. He was spinning a nearly full bottle of barbecue sauce in circles and the entire top flew off. I don't know how he did it, but he was spinning it horizontally and managed to get all four walls. It seems to me that he would have noticed that the top came off after, say, 90 degrees, or maybe 180 degrees.

Nope. He did an entire 360 before stopping himself.

It was everywhere, on the curtains, in the blinds, on the windows behind the blinds, in the air conditioner vents, across the TV, inside the pantry, splattered on the Hubster's briefcase and cover, in my stack of unfiled paperwork, he even managed to splatter StupidDog with barbecue sauce.

The one thing he somehow missed?

His plate of chicken didn't have a single splatter on it.

2008-01-26T01:16:00.000-10:00

More Self-Checkout Fun

The line was long at the other registers today and I was in a pissy mood, so self-checkout seemed like the best option.

It was one of those odd days when all six self-checkout registers were open, with the cashier in charge running from register to register to address problems as they popped up.

The cashier in charge today was the cashier with the attitude. I don't know her, but she seems very annoyed that real, untrained people can actually do her job. As I wait my turn, I watch as she flits from register to register, swiping her super-special cashier I.D. card and punching in random numbers before the "help me" lights even begin to blink.

She's either super-efficient or super-paranoid.

So, my turn.

I start to scan my items without any problem. She appears out of nowhere as I grab a package of chicken breasts from my basket.

"5642" she tells me.

I give her a blank stare.

"5642" she says again as I start to scan my chicken breasts.

Another blank stare.

Apparently that wasn't what she wanted, because she pushed my chicken breasts aside, swiped her super-special cashier I.D., punched in "5642", rolled her eyes at me and headed off to avert a crisis at another register.

Not only was I annoyed with her attitude, but I wanted to let her know that I've scanned chicken breasts there without a problem in the past and her "assistance" was really not needed.

Anyway.

I continued to scan my groceries without incident, when she again appeared out of nowhere.

"De-scale your items."

Huh?

"De-scale."

At this point am wondering what the Hell she means by "de-scale".

I was in the 'Under Twenty Items' line and even though I had fewer than twenty items, I had some large items like dog food and soda.

She grabbed the dog food and dropped it into a cart.

"De-scale. You have too much on there."

She left before I could ask if 'de-scale' was even a word.

So, I scanned and was down to my last item......fresh basil.

I did the alphabetical item lookup, but basil was not listed. Before I could double-check, cashier with an attitude rushed by in an attempt to avert a crisis at another register.

"It's under 'herbs' " she said. "That's with an 'H'."

This time I didn't let her get away.

"Ohhhhhh.....see, I was looking under 'G' for 'green'."

I hope she now understands there's a reason people use self-checkout.

2008-01-24T01:00:00.000-10:00

A Punch in the Gut

I don't know how else to describe the past few days.

On Friday, Destructo and I drove out to Ford Island to have lunch with the Hubster who was attending a conference there. We had a nice lunch and then took Destructo to the Aviation Museum gift shop to spend some of his birthday money. It took almost an hour for him to narrow things down to just four airplanes ("because I'm four!"), but he was thrilled with his choices.

After dropping the Hubster off, Destructo and drove around and took a few pictures, then headed over to the new Oklahoma Memorial to get a few pictures for our Okie friends.

Just a typical day.

Then we got the news.....the Hubster's dad has leukemia.

We've been trying to stay optimistic, but each additional piece of news has been bad. They are going to try treatment for a week to see if he can handle it, or if his other health issues will prevent treatment.

He was planning to retire in March, on his 72nd birthday. He planned to travel, play golf, and spend time with the grandchildren. He planned to eat great, sinfully unhealthy meals and die of a massive heart attack on a golf course. Chemotherapy and being 'sick' weren't in his plans at all.

It's just not fair.

2008-01-17T01:17:00.000-10:00

Is It Bad......

Is it bad if I take Destructo to Sea Life Park, and leave with an uncontrollable craving for fresh seafood?

Just wondering.....

2008-01-13T03:07:00.001-10:00

Hi Ho, Hi Ho....

A hiking I will go!!

I managed to squeeze in some hiking while the kids were on Christmas break. I did Maunawili Demonstration Trail again, the Hoomaluhia Botanical Gardens, Puu Ohia, and Pauoa Flats (which were definitely NOT flat!). I was rained on each time I went, and the trails were all very muddy ('tis the rainy season), which resulted in some slipping and falling and a few cuts and bruises.

I did Demonstration Trail mainly because I wanted to get some up-close pictures of the clouds on the mountains as the sun set, but too many clouds moved in and left me with dreary pictures, like these:

At the Botanical Gardens I took a lot of botanical pictures, of course!

These were gorgeous, but I dropped my sunglasses and stepped on them in an attempt to get closer.

Some really cool Brazilian nuts:

I only saw a few of these, but managed to get a picture:

Did I mention how muddy it was? Under the grass was a squishy mess. This, by the way was just after I slipped and slid down a muddy creek bed.

This weekend I combined Puu Ohia, and Pauoa Flats. It was a great workout, but kind of dull from a photo perspective.

Bamboo forest everywhere!

Flowers growing in the darkest part of the jungle:

And finally, a great view of town and Diamond Head.

2008-01-12T00:45:00.000-10:00

How to Annoy Me

As I was driving home after dropping the Wildcard off for swim practice, the evening sky was filled with whispy white clouds. I made a mental note that sunset was going to be a must-see, and I really needed to get a few photos.

I made sure my camera was ready and set it on the desk next to the front door. Then I began making dinner while dealing with an ornery Destructo. He had been sick, but was over it just enough to be demanding and fussy. We read a book and I got some juice for him, shredding chicken for chicken tacos in between whines.

Before I knew it, there was an orange glow coming in through the blinds.

I was too late. When I popped my head outside, sunset was winding down and I had missed my photo op.

Oh well, there will be another....or so I thought.

As I was leaving to go pick the Wildcard up from practice, the Blonde One was heading in the door from soccer practice.

"Mom, did you see that sunset??!? It was so awesome, I had to pull over to watch it. I knew you would be out taking pictures!"

Teenage boys don't normally pull over to watch a sunset, so I knew I missed something big.

Well, crap.

I picked the Wildcard up, and the first thing he mentioned was the sunset.

"Coach Evil let us take a break during practice to watch the sunset. It was so cool. I told him that you were probably out taking a million pictures!"

Coach Evil never lets them take a break during practice.

Crap again.

I was really bummed as I went home and finished dinner.

The Hubster, with his incredible timing, walked in the door just as dinner was ready. He had gone surfing after work.

Of course he was gushing about the sunset. (Can big, tough Marines gush? Not sure on that one.)

"There were about ten of us out in the water, and suddenly we all just stopped and watched the sky turn red over our heads. It was freakin' amazing! Did you get any good pictures?"

Surfers don't ignore waves. Ever.

Grrrr.......

I had gotten over it enough that I was laughing about it with the Hubster as we watched the evening news. As soon as the weather report came on, the Perky Weather Woman had to get her digs in too....

"Did you all see that sunset tonight??!! We received dozens of viewer photos tonight....."

And she proceeded to show at least a dozen pictures of the most amazing sunset ever.

I'm such a loser.

2008-01-08T01:17:00.000-10:00

There's Always One....

The Blonde One had a soccer game today. Not really blog-worthy, but this isn't about him.

It's about one of the other moms.

I don't know her, and we've probably exchanged a dozen words, total, but I do know that I don't like her.

She's the perky mom. The one who shows up in well thought-out outfits (for a soccer game?), with matching white Keds and a wrap of some sort....just in case there is a nip in the air. Her makeup and hair are 1990's Miss America, and she has the perfect French manicure.

Today was a muddy mess at the soccer field. Destructo and I tiptoed around the edge of the field in our rubbah' slippahs, looking for the somewhat dry spots, and still ended up with mud squished between our toes. Perky Mom walked through the muddiest part of the field and never got a spot of mud on her white Keds.

(Her son must have the same Teflon coating, because he is the only player who finished the game without looking like he needed to be hosed off.)

Anyway.

It was Perky Mom's turn to bring after-the-game snacks. Keep in mind that these are high school boys, and presentation really doesn't matter. You could toss a trough of Doritos on the field and they would have at 'em.

Perky Mom arrived with two trays of snacks for the team. Not just snacks, but individual bags of Doritos, Famous Amos cookies, granola bars, and Fruit Rollups.....all neatly packaged in cellophane. Half the cellophane packages were done in one of the school colors, half were done in the other color. All were secured in contrasting curly ribbon (in the opposite school color) and a metallic charm of the school mascot was dangling from the ribbon.

Why?

That's all I want to know.

2008-01-02T01:14:00.000-10:00

It Just Keeps Giving and Giving

I love my lazy mornings during the holidays.

This morning was no exception. I slept in until almost 10 o'clock, lounged around reading the paper, surfing the internet, and eating last night's leftovers for breakfast.

By the time I made it to the shower and got dressed, it was nearly noon. I took my time straightening my hair for no real reason, making the bed, and sorting a bit of laundry before opening the bedroom door and heading back to the real world.

As soon as I took that first step into the hallway, it hit me.

There was a stench in the house like I had never smelled in my life, something along the lines of decomposing critter mixed with sewer gas and vomit. And it definitely wasn't there thirty minutes earlier.

I should have headed back into the bedroom, closed the door behind me and spent the rest of the day in my little la-la land.

Instead, I headed down the hallway, past the Diva's bathroom. I poked my head into her bedroom and asked if she was okay, thinking she may have had some serious intestinal issues.

She looked at me as if I was crazy, told me she was fine, and went about her business.

I headed to the living room, where the front door was wide open and the fans were on. The Blonde One was on the computer, and I asked him what that smell was.

He shrugged and went back to battling the bazoobiemen in his online game.

The kitchen door and windows were open, and the tradewinds were blowing through the kitchen/laundry room into the rest of the house. That is where the smell seemed to be coming from.

I inspected the kitchen. Nothing.

The laundry room was next. Again nothing.

I peeked out the back window to the lanai and it hit me.

Remember this?

And this?

Yeah.

It exploded.

All over the lanai, the roof, the back fence, and the side of the house.

The Hubster later explained something about organic material and methane.

All I know is it's the gift that keeps on giving.

2007-12-30T03:34:00.000-10:00

Plan of the Day

Crete.

That's where we will be retiring.

Why?

Because Giada ate a yummy salad in Crete this week.

Rational?

We think so.

2007-12-29T00:49:00.000-10:00

Making Lists

It's that time again.

The Hubster has been 'promised' orders off the island this summer. He was told that he would know something as early as January, which is just around the corner. (As if any of you needed a reminder of that....)

Unlike last year, this year we are ready to go. A lot has happened this past year, and as much as we love Hawaii, we feel like it is time to get back to reality. The ages of the kids and the ages of our parents also have a lot to do with our decision to head back to the Mainland.

So, the first list....where to go next?

Our top choice is California. If we have to leave Hawaii, California is an easy transition....although the traffic scares me. And the taxes are high. There's surf, but it's cold. There's hiking, but I don't know if I'll feel as safe there. The opportunity to do some traveling around the western states is a definite advantage. Plus, we have friends in California.

After that, pretty much everything available sucks.

(It's a very short list.)

We refer to the second list as the "Where do we want to live when we grow up?" list.

The Hubster can retire in two years, and we are trying to decide what to do and where to go after that. Normal families don't have this dilemma, but when you are originally from opposite parts of the country and have spent 20 years as nomads, it's a tough decision.

We're all over the place on that one.

Yesterday we had it narrowed down to about 50 square miles in Florida, on the outer islands south of the Beeline and north of Palm Bay.

Today we are considering Montana, Idaho, and Colorado.....in addition to the 'acceptable' section of Florida. Oh, and the Florida Keys. Possibly California too, if we like it there. (The Hubster also mentioned Minnesota and Missouri, but I didn't take that seriously.)

Fortunately we have two years to make a decision on that.

My final list is everything I need/want to do before we leave in five (short) months. This list is a lot longer, and involves a lot of hiking, some island hopping, and a few touristy things.

I'm at 44 items, and counting on that one.

It's going to be a busy five months!

2007-12-25T00:13:00.000-10:00

A Destructo Christmas

Tradition at our house includes church on Christmas Eve followed by opening one gift, the one from the sibling gift exchange.

Before we left for church, we let Destructo know that he would get to open his gift from the Wildcard if, and only if, he was good in church. He promised he would be good, but his hyperness lately led me to believe otherwise. I filled his backpack with diversions, just in case.

So. We hadn't even made it inside the chapel when we had our first issue.

The outdoor creche had a donkey in it. Destructo quickly decided it wasn't a donkey, but a Mustang, and he started racing his imaginary Mustang around the entryway to the chapel.

The Hubster quickly ran him down and brought him inside.

The next 75 minutes (yes, I counted) were pure Christmas Eve Hell. I'll save you the details, but just know that he was noisy, distracting, and gassy. Fun stuff, all around.

As we left church, I whispered to the Wildcard to quickly wrap a rock or something for Destructo, since he had very obviously NOT been good in church. He suggested a fork for some reason, but eventually grabbed a single leaf from the yard and placed it in the bottom of a huge gift bag.

The plan was for Destructo to see that his siblings (who were good in church) got nice gifts, and all he got was a leaf. There would be a lesson in there about behaving in church, and we would then give him his real gift (a remote control Mustang).

Anyway, the gift opening began and Destructo's excitement level grew. He watched as the Diva opened the gift from him (foot scrub and other girly stuff). The Diva gave the Blonde One the iPod headphones he has wanted, and the Blonde One gave the Wildcard the drawing supplies he had asked for.

Now it was time for Destructo's gift.

The Wildcard handed him the gift bag containing the leaf.

He looked inside.

What happened next made me realize we were on the wrong track with him.

He grabbed the leaf, held it up for all to see, and exclaimed excitedly, "I got a leaf!!! I got a leaf!!''

This is where the What The Hell? look was exchanged.

The Wildcard handed him his real gift, which he attempted to disguise in a shoe box. He struggled with the wrapping paper for a moment, then finally revealed the shoe box.

"I got new shoes!! I got new shoes!!"

(Sigh.)

No lesson learned here.

He opened the box and about wet himself when he was that it was the remote control Mustang that he had wanted. He bounced around the room while the Hubster opened it, inserted the batteries, and attached the antenna.

After a few minutes of racing it around the dining room, he stopped and looked at me for a minute.

Then he asked where his new shoes were.

(Sigh.)