Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Oh, To Be Young Again....

The Diva started classes this week and is slowly but surely adjusting to college life. Being the only girl in the family, she has always had her own bedroom and for the past few years she has had her own bathroom as well.

So she is learning to share her space - her living quarters, her bathroom, her bed....

Well, apparently she draws the line at sharing her bed.

Last night she was sound asleep in her dorm, like any good Diva with an early class would be. Sometime around 5 a.m. she woke up, thinking she heard someone open her door. Since it was the middle of the night, she assumed she was imagining things and tried to go back to sleep.

As soon as she closed her eyes, someone crawled into bed with her.

She jumped up, turned the light on, and came face-to-face with a girl she had never seen before.....a girl wearing nothing but a tiny pair of booty shorts.

Diva: Who are you??!!

Booty Girl lays on the bed and giggles.

Diva: What are you doing here?

Booty Girl giggles some more.

The Diva tries to figure out if Booty Girl is sleepwalking or tripping on something.

Diva: Ummmmm.....that's my bed.

Booty Girl: You are so funny!!

Diva: Why are you in my bed?

Booty Girl giggles again.

Diva: You really need to leave. I have an early class.

Booty Girl: You are sooooooo funny!!

Diva: No, seriously. You need to leave.

Booty Girl: Let me just get dressed first.

(She starts pulling things out of the Diva's closet and attempting to put them on.

Diva: Those are MY clothes!!

Booty Girl giggles again.

Diva: Where did you come from?

Booty Girl: I live in Diva Hall, room 403.

Diva: That's two doors down. Now give me back my clothes.

Booty Girl is confused: Oh. Can I please have some of your shoes? They are so pretty.

Diva: No. You can have a shirt and I will walk you home.

Booty Girl giggles and puts on a t-shirt. The Diva walks her back to her room, then returns to her bed, alone.

Lessons Learned:

The Diva will always double-check the locks before going to bed.

The Blonde One will not be locking his doors when he goes to college.

Monday, August 28, 2006

Travel Woes

I hate to travel. I love vacation, but the whole "getting there" part of it is miserable, especially when you live on and island in the middle of the Pacific.

Proof that I wasn't meant to be a traveler:

1. A three-hour delay getting out of Honolulu. This, of course, came after we spent two hours in the check-in line at the airport. Our 11 p.m. flight didn't leave until almost 2 a.m. Do you know what there is to do in an airport after midnight? Absolutely nothing, unless watching people sleep is entertaining to you.

2. The passengers in seats 5C and 6F on our 4-hour flight across the Mainland. (We were in 6D and 6E.) 5C was a tobacco chewer who spent the entire flight chewing and spitting green stuff into a Dasani bottle. Eeeeeewwww!! On the other side, 6F took her shoes off, crossed her legs, and kept rubbing her bare feet on me for four hours. Eeeeeewwww!!!

3. Kids. I love kids. I know people who have great kids. However, if no one can board a plane because your Oldest Demon and your Middle Demon are literally beating each other in the aisle while you chat with strangers, perhaps you should find another form of transportation. And by the way, maybe you should keep an eye on your Youngest Demon because he just might be crawling under the seats three rows away.

4. Stupid security regulations. Especially when they prohibit most everything from being packed in your carryon......and then the TSA agents never really examine your carryons to check for prohibited items. I could have had my toothpaste and hand lotion, dangit!!!!

5. Stupid airlines. Especially when they lose all of your bags - the ones with all the prohibited items, such as shampoo, toothpaste, and clean underwear. And it's even worse when those bags contain the Diva's entire life - her clothes, CD's, pictures, everything she felt was important and special enough to take to college with her. (The bags arrived 12 hours later, after a very long tear-filled night.)

6. The Enterprise agents who always pull the bait and switch. Give me the freakin' car I reserved! I don't want to pay $15/day extra for a larger trunk. If you don't have the car I reserved, I'll step over to the Avis counter, thankyouverymuch.

7. McCarran International Airport in Las Vegas. Never, ever again will I have a layover there.

8. Flight attendants as street peddlers. Need a travel pillow and blanket? $10. Headsets? $3, $7 for the high-quality ones. Water, since you aren't able to bring your own? $2/bottle, or wait for the mini bottles they give you in-flight. Credit cards only, no cash.

Is it just me, or did traveling used to be much more fun than this?

Sunday, August 20, 2006

The More Things Change....

I've been thinking a lot lately, mostly about the Diva leaving for college.

It doesn't seem that long ago that she was starting kindergarten. I spent many sleepless nights before the beginning of the school year worrying about everything.

What if she doesn't make any friends? What if she can't find the cafeteria? Or the bathroom? Do I really want to put her on a school bus, and send her to a school so far from home? What if she needs me, and I'm not there? I can't just send my little girl off on her own like that. What will they do if she gets hurt on the playground?

I obsessed so much about it, and lost so much sleep worrying about all the "what-if's".

Finally, when she started school and absolutely loved it, all was well.

Fast-forward twelve years.

I've spent most of the summer worrying about her starting college. The worries are the same, but on a different level. It makes the whole kindergarten thing seem like no big deal.

My "little" girl is going to be thousands of miles away.

What if she can't find the dining room or her classes? What if she doesn't get along with her roommate? What if she is homesick? What if she gets sick, or has a medical emergency? Will they take good care of her? Will she be happy?

We're heading to the Mainland in less than two days, and I am so stressed. The thought of leaving her there all alone has made me physically sick I have had a knot in my stomach for over a week, I can't sleep, and my appetite is gone (that's probably a good thing).

I never imagined it would be this difficult.

All I want is for her to be safe. And happy. Healthy would be good too.

Is that too much to ask?

(I'll be away for the next week.)

Friday, August 18, 2006

Self Diagnosis

The Wildcard has been sick all week. It started as a slight headache, and has moved on to a sore throat, nausea, fever, and a much worse headache. He tends to be a bit dramatic, and has been moaning, groaning, and just miserable to be around.

Finally, knowing that strep is going around, I took him to see the doctor.

They took his vitals, then had us wait in the exam room for the doctor.

Mom....are they going to give me a shot?

Me: No. Probably not.

Promise? What about those giant Q-Tips.....are they going to stick one down my throat.


This is when the doctor walked in. She went down the list of symptoms with him:

Her: Does your throat hurt?

Wildcard: Just a little.

Does it hurt to swallow?


Her: Does it hurt when I do this? (Applies pressure to his swollen glands.)

Wildcard: No.

Does your head hurt?

Wildcard: No.

Her: Are you coughing a lot? Is your nose stuffed up? Have you had an upset stomach?

Wildcard: No, no, and no.

Finally, after running out of possible symptoms, she took a throat culture and sent us on our way.

As soon as we were out the door I asked him why he's been whining and complaining all week about being sick, but suddenly has no symptoms when we have face-time with the doctor.

His answer?

I was afraid she would make me get a shot if I was sick....and I really didn't want her to stick that Q-Tip thing down my throat either!"

(He does have strep, of course.)

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Worm Guts....and Other Fun Stuff

The Function was to start at 7 p.m.

6:00 Feed the kids, instruct them to clear the dishes and start homework while I take a shower and get dressed.

6:40 In the middle of straightening my unruly, desperate-for-a-cut hair...the Blonde One informs me that he can't find roly-polys (pillbugs, whatever they are called in your neck o' the woods) anywhere. He needs six of them for a biology lab the next day. The Hubster suddenly appears and says there are a bunch of roly-polys at his office. Unfortunately, he can't take the Blonde One up there because The Function starts in twenty minutes and he still needs a shower. I quickly shellac my hair in place, change from Function clothes to Bug Catching clothes, and head to the Hubster's office with the Blonde One and the Wildcard.

6:50 We find the Mother Lode of Roly-Polys and Other Crawly Things. We crouch in a circle around the Poly-Poly Site, with me holding the plastic container and the boys digging in the dirt with sticks.

6:55 The Blonde One gets carried away and flings a half-crushed worm into my shellacked hair. It sticks. The boys laugh hysterically....then argue over who has to pull worm pieces out of Mom's hair. The worm continues to wriggle, probably overcome by shellac fumes. The Blonde One does his best to remove the worm bits, and tells me he got it all out.

7:05 Pull in the driveway, greeted at the door by the Hubster. Destructo threw up on the bed and seems to be running a fever. Is it better to give him Triaminic or Motrin? Does the line on the little cup mean one tablespoon or one teaspoon? Is chocolate milk okay for him if he just threw up? And could I hurry? Because The Function started five minutes ago.

(Men are so helpless when they want to be.)

7:10 Medicate the toddler, instruct the boys on sick toddler care, change back to my Function Outfit, and rush out the door.

8:00 Sneak out of Function and walk home. Destructo is chillin'. Change my clothes, wash my face, and only then do I look in the mirror and notice worm guts stuck to my hair.

And that is how the No Worm Guts Streak ended.
The Streak Has Ended

Somehow I managed to survive nearly 18 years of motherhood without attending a function with worm guts in my hair.

Until tonight.


Saturday, August 12, 2006


I need to apologize for being absent (and absent-minded) lately. It seems like everything has been dumped on us at the same time lately.

The boys started school. All is well at this point.

The Wildcard is plaing in two separate soccer leagues, with overlapping schedules thanks to some genius somewhere who decided to delay the start of the summer season for six weeks. They won their first game, even though one of his teammates broke his leg. (He was wearing shin guards that were made for a 4 y/o, not an 11 y/o, and now he's paying for it. People are stupid sometimes.)

The Blonde One is playing in one soccer league and is a referee in both. He likes wearing a whistle and telling kids what to do. Go figure.

The Diva is leaving for college in about a week. (This is stressing me the most at the moment.) We're flying out there in about ten days, and you know what I've been thinking about the most?

Go ahead....guess..........


Twenty-two hours without my Burt's Bees Lip Balm, thanks to new security regulations.

If you've ever flown long distances, you know how dehydrating it can be. Our trip to the Mainland is twenty-two hours from baggage check in Honolulu to baggage claim on the other end. I really can't go that long without lip balm.

I just can't.

And Destructo is...................Destructo. He has discovered the art of bad toddler comedy. More on that another day.

I've been busy working on some new accounting and tax projects. It's more fun that it sounds. Really.

And then, as if we needed one more thing to think about, the Hubster learned that we will probably be moving next summer. We have a pretty good idea where we are going, but won't know for sure until later in the year. I am not really thrilled with any of our options at this point, so I am hoping for one of those 'off the radar' type of assignments.

Bear with me for the next week or so........

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Open House Observations

First, I would like to thank the geniuses who decided to schedule the high school and elementary school Open Houses on the same night, at the same time. There is nothing worse than having to send the Hubster to one or the other expecting him to come home with the right information.

So, tonight I headed off to the Blonde One's "Back to School Night" while the Hubster and the Wildcard headed to the elementary school.

I'm thinking the Back to School Night flyer should have been more clear about a few things.

First, it is not a costume event. You are not a student and should not attempt to dress like a high school freshman (a trashy one at that). Also, you are not being asked to flash back to your high school years, so do not dig deep into your closet to find your best leg warmers and mini jean skirt combo.

Second, while I'm on the subject of attire, the high school is a series of 15-20 separate buildings on a hillside, with sidewalks, crosswalks, and stairways connecting them all. Wear sensible shoes. Sheesh, people.

Third, it gets dark at night. Duh. Stairways should have lights. Bring a flashlight.

Fourth, prepare a comeback for when parents approach you and say, "Oh, you're the Blonde One's mom! My daughter talks about him......a lot."

Anyway, I did get a lot of good info, and was impressed with all his teachers this year (as opposed to my 50% approval rating for his teachers last year).

On the elementary school side, the Hubster brought home a few handouts and mentioned that I needed to "do something Cajun" for a class function sometime later in the semester.

Not sure what that's all about.

Monday, August 07, 2006

Private Friday

One of the things I'm going to miss most IF we have to move (I'm still in denial) is our after-dinner beach time. We often take Destructo and the Wildcard (and sometimes we are graced with the Blonde One's presence) to the beach after dinner. It's my favorite time of the day to be there because it's cool, it's quiet, and we usually stay until the sun sets. And most nights there is no one else's like you have
your own private beach.

Sunday, August 06, 2006

Zoom, Zoom, Zoom.........

Do you remember when you first got your driver's license?

I do.

Our high school offered driver's ed in the summer and I took it the summer after I turned 16. I don't remember the teacher's name, but I do remember that all the girls had a crush on him.

He was a college student AND he had a moustache. None of the guys at our school had a least not a respectable one. He also drove a Mustang. How cool was that, from a high school girl's perspective?

I kicked ass in my driver's ed class, then failed my driving test. I never knew that you had to yeild when making a left turn after a light turned green. It seems that Mr. Moustache never told us that.

Anyway, the Blonde One finally got his driver's permit. In Hawaii, the can get it when the turn fifteen and a half. He was eligible to get it in April, got it in June, and just this weekend decided to start driving.

This is so different from the Diva. We were living in Florida at the time, and they are allowed to get a permit on their fifteenth birthday. She made sure we were in line at the licensing office first thing in the morning on her 15th birthday. Then she immediately began nagging me to take her driving. (The Hubster was conveniently in Japan for the year.) This was somewhat ironic, because when we moved to Hawaii the laws were different and
she had to wait three extra months before getting her license.

I'm not sure if it is a Male/Female thing or a Type-A/Type-B thing, but the Blonde One was never in a hurry to start driving................until I told him he would be riding the school bus this year.

All of a sudden it became Urgent. With a capital "U".

Apparently it is just not cool for a high school junior/chick magnet to ride the bus to is much more cool to be tooling around town behind the wheel of a MomVan.

Wednesday, August 02, 2006


When you are watching a cooking show on one of the Japanese channels and your Japanese vocabulary is limited to seven words (thus the subtitles), is it really necessary to repeatedly turn up the volume to drown out the background noise?