Sunday, May 29, 2005

Symbolic Friday

I was driving through Chinatown today and wishing I had my camera with me. There were a gazillion pictures I could have taken to fit the "Symbol" theme for this week. I didn't get any pictures, but I did remember a picture I took a few years ago in Japan.

I had taken the kids to Miyajima, an island just off the coast near Hiroshima. The only access is by ferry and as you approach the island, there is a huge
Torii standing in the middle of the water. At high tide, the torii appears to be floating on the water. (Unfortunately, it was low tide when we were there.)

A torii symbolizes the entry to a shrine in the Shinto religion, if I remember correctly. Since Miyajima literally translates into "shrine island", it makes sense that a torii floats on the sea as you approach the island.

(Although it wouldn't surprise me if "Miyajima" translates into "island of a million wild monkeys" or "island of overly-friendly, mangy deer".)

Here is proof of the mangy deer. I gave the Wildcard an unopened bag of crackers, and he was immediately surrounded by mangy deer. After I took this picture, we had to hide the crackers because half a dozen deer began circling. It's no wonder the kid still has nightmares.

Image hosted by


The main reason I took the kids to the island was to visit the aquarium located there. In addition to the usual trained seal/dolphin shows, they have "touch" exhibits which the kids absolutely loved. Here they are petting a baby penguin.

Image hosted by

If you notice, there is a Japanese schoolgirl lurking in the background of the picture. Most of my pictures turned out that way.


The Japanese just love blonde hair, and some believe it brings good luck to touch blonde hair. Groups of little schoolgirls were giggling and following the Blonde One from the minute we got off the boat. He, being a 7 y/o boy, was totally oblivious to it all.....until they began approaching me and asking in their broken Engrish, "Take picture, prease?" They would then hand me a camera, surround the unsuspecting Blonde One, and I would snap a picture for them. They would thank me politely, bow, and resume giggling as they walked away.

So, yeah, anyway. The Torii picture is the one I chose for Photo Friday.

Saturday, May 28, 2005

It Took a While, But...

Last week I was tagged by my friend at
Homefront Six, but haven't been able to get to it earlier. I'm not much of a movie buff, but here goes!!

1) Total number of films I own on DVD/video: I think I've mentioned that we don't own a DVD player, so everything is on VHS. We have forty-three videos, and the reason I know this is because Destructo empties them out of the cabinet at least once a day. he doesn't like to watch them, just pull them all out, take them out of the cases, and scatter them all over the family room. Most are Disney movies, with a few other kid-oriented movies tossed in.

2) The last film I bought: A few years ago the Wildcard wanted to buy a Digimon video for the Hubster for his birthday. That was probably the last one we bought.

3) The last film I watched: Ummm.....on video it would be the Napoleon Dynamite/Dodgeball weekend we had a few months ago. In the theater it was probably Shrek 2 when I was in Michigan last spring. I think we saw one in Florida before we moved, but I can't remember what it was.

4) Five films that I watch a lot or that mean a lot to me (in no particular order): I usually don't watch movies more than once, so this is tough. I LOVE The Christmas Story and watch bits and pieces of it during November/December every year. The Breakfast Club used to be my favorite movie, but I think it has more to do with the soundtrack than the movie. I'm not into SciFi (I think I'm the only person on earth who hates Star Wars), I don't really care for Drama, Action, or Romance movies, so it's mostly comedies for me. They don't necessarily mean a lot to me, but I loved Napoleon Dynamite, Austin Powers, and Dodgeball. That's all I can think of right now....

Thursday, May 26, 2005

My Son, the Bully

Apparently Sir Destructo has inherited my Bully gene.

(Yeah, I was a bit of a bully when I was younger. Not so much now.)

Our next-door neighbors sold their house a couple months ago and the new owners are doing some "minor renovations" before moving in.

Off on a tangent here - the previous owners never really advertised the home. They hired a realtor who priced the property at $965,000 and held an open house one Sunday. The result of that one open house was a bidding war, and the house ended up selling for $990,000. The new owners, after paying that much for a nothing-special-house, are renovating the kitchen and bathrooms, putting in all new windows and central air, re-landscaping the yard including a new sprinkler system and a pool. So, I guess at $990,000 it was a fixer-upper?

Anyway, the renovations have been going on for several (long, noisy) weeks already. A few days ago I met the man who bought the house, but hadn't yet met his wife or kids (a 7 y/o daughter, a 3 y/o son, and a 'baby' boy who is one month older than Destructo).

So, late yesterday afternoon the Hubster and I were outside with Destructo. It was a very warm evening, so he (Destructo, not the Hubster) was wearing only a diaper. The street we live on is a sort of Cul de Sac with only ten houses, and there is almost no traffic. It is also rare to see other people outside because, well, they are all either too busy, too important, or too arrogant to have a casual conversation with anyone.

Being the bad parents we are, we were letting our diaper-clad 16 m/o run up and down in the middle of the street. He was in his own little world and having a really great time.

This is when I noticed the Next-Door Neighbor Wife and Kids Who I Had Not Met pull up to the house and go inside. Destructo saw none of it, and continued running wild in the street.

Then he saw it - a little movement from behind the neighbor's car. A little head peeked out, followed by a few limbs, then a full-fledged 3 y/o boy appeared.

Destructo stopped dead in his tracks. He stood there for a moment, probably considering his options.

Then he took a step forward. And another. Then he puffed his chest out and held his arms out by his sides like a disgustingly buff bodybuilder who can't put his arms straight any more. And he started The Charge.....he began running (still in his bodybuidler pose/Huggies diaper) and yelling "Hey! Aaay! Ay!!"

The closer he got, the bigger the neighbor boy's eyes got.

When Destructo finally reached the little boy, we really weren't sure what to expect.

Destructo looked him square in the eye, pointed a fat, little finger at him and commanded, "Shit!! Shit!!"*

The little boy took a few steps back, then turned and ran in to his house.

I'm guessing the neighbors are glad we are moving and taking our little bully with us.

*"Shit", in Destructo-speak means, "Sit!"

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Happy Birthday to Me!!!


First, let me add a disclaimer. This blog entry should be read with the knowledge that I got three hours of interrupted sleep last night, and after I came back from a 4-mile run tonight, the Hubster greeted me with a pitcher of Margaritas. (Thank God and Microsoft for spellcheck.)

I just finished watching the American Idol finale on my DVR. While I'm not a huge fan of the show, I have been watching this year because of Bo and Carrie (who just happen to be the final two). It's hard for me to choose a 'winner' because they are both very, very good. Here's my take on the finale (please re-read disclaimer above):

-Bo is hot. He reminds me of every guy I never would have dated in high school because, well, they just weren't as hot. Some had the long hair and fit the 'rocker' persona, but (as the Friend From Kindergarten can attest) they really weren't as hot. I love his voice, I love his style, and I love that he is confident with himself.

-Carrie is the typical Oklahoma girl. After living in OK for two years, I have to say that she reminds me of every one of the Diva's friends - wholesome, all-American, good girls. I miss that place sometimes. Plus she sang one of my all-time favorite country songs (and you can't NOT have a favorite country song if you've ever lived in OK) - Independence Day by Martina McBride.

It's hard to choose a winner because they are both so good.

So, tomorrow (today?) is my birthday. I really don't have anything special planned - a trip to the commissary, find a camera-repair place for the Diva's camera, go for a run, and maybe (if the Hubster gets home at a reasonable time) go for dinner at a favorite local restaurant.

We've never really been big on adult birthdays. The Hubster's birthday was last month and he was in Los Angeles, so he celebrated by getting some Quiznos and sitting in a hotel room with bad cable and a loud air conditioner. No biggie.

I do, however, tend to make my "New Years Resolutions" on my birthday. This year my plan is to:

-Find a part-time job to keep me from going insane.

-Run the Honolulu Marathon in December.

-Prepare to do my first triathlon next spring.

-Be a better keeper-in-toucher. (Many of you know how bad I am at keeping in touch - I plan to do better within the next year.)

-Arrange some tricky financing so we can buy an investment house here in Hawaii.

-Learn to surf. The Hubster tried to teach me years ago, but got impatient and pushed me off the board every time a good set came in.

-Secure a scholarship (or several scholarships) for the Diva's college education.

I think that's all.

And (please re-read disclaimer) I really need to get to bed.

Saturday, May 21, 2005

I Really Need to Slow Down

I've never been a lingerer.

The idea of just strolling through a shopping center and browsing is not something that appeals to me. If I can get in, get what I need, and get out in ten minutes, I feel like I've accomplished something. I'm not one to casually pick up random items and examine them before moving on to the next random item.


I've been told I need to slow down.

The Hubster and I take Sir Destructo on 1.5 mile walks each night before bedtime. It helps Destructo wind down, and is a major part of his bedtime routine. Plus, on some nights it's the only "alone" time the Hubster and I get.

The problem is that my six-foot tall Marine husband can't keep up with my 5'4", stubby legged body pushing a stroller down the street. He is forever telling me to slow down.

I can't.

It's like I am on a mission and must complete the walk in the shortest amount of time possible. Sometimes I force myself to slow down, but a few minutes later the Marine Hubster is falling behind again.

It's not just walking that is a problem, and the garage door is paying the price.

I've backed out of the garage before the garage door has opened not once, not twice, but three times in the past month. And I've pulled into the garage once before it was open far enough for the MomVan to fit inside. And then there was the time that I (accidentally) closed the garage door before I was all the way out.

So, yeah, I have issues.

Yesterday the Hubster took the day off so we could spend some time together. Unfortunately, as I was taking the Wildcard to school, the Hubster witnessed one of my 'incidents' and wasn't sure if he should be annoyed or impressed.

See, not only did I back into the garage door and knock it off track, I knew exactly which hammer I needed to use to pound the little roller-thingies back on track. And I knew how to have the Wildcard pull the little red lever while I pushed the door open to just the right height so that the garage door opener would work perfectly next time.

And I still got the Wildcard to school on time.

I honestly don't think he understands the duties and responsibilities of a stay-at-home mom.

After I took the Wildcard to school I packed Sir Destructo into the baby jogger and did a quick three-mile walk, fed him breakfast, gave him a shower while I got my shower, got dressed, packed a diaper bag, grabbed the Hubster and headed to the bike store, had lunch at the Gyro place, and made sure we were home in time for Sir Destructo's nap. While Destructo was sleeping I mopped the floors, paid the bills, made a trip to the post office, picked up the Wildcard from school and took him to 7-11 for a Slurpee, then returned home in time to update our investment information and get the Wildcard a snack before Sir Destructo woke up.

Slow down? I don't think so. Moms have one speed - fast forward. It's the only way we know to make it all work.

Friday, May 20, 2005

Green Friday

Being on an island filled with lush, green foliage and green/blue water, this week's topic "Green" just seemed too simple.

So I went a different route.

Two weeks ago the Diva and I hiked to a spot known as The Pillboxes above Lanikai. It's a very steep climb, at times we were pulling ourselves up by tree branches and vines because it was just too steep to climb any other way.

Once we got to the top the view was totally worth it.

This is the view from 2/3 the way up. Our final destination was that tiny bunker you can see at the top of the mountain. (Some of you have seen these before, and you have permission to skip over this part....)

Image hosted by

This is the view from the top, looking down at Lanikai.

Image hosted by

But we didn't go up there to take pictures of the view. The bunker is covered, inside and out, with graffiti. The Diva wanted some pictures of the graffiti so she could have them made into a poster for her room. My Green Friday is all about

Thursday, May 19, 2005

Not So Bad!!

I saw The House today and I was pleasantly surprised.

It's an older house, so it has that older house/layers of cheap paint smell. That was the first thing I noticed.

The second thing I noticed was that the floor plan I had studied and memorized was a bit different than the house. Not much, just enough to throw me off and cause me to make dumb comments like, "Isn't there supposed to be a closet over there?"

So they thought I was crazy.

The one difference I really liked was the kitchen. On the floor plan you had to pass through a butler's pantry/kitchen area in order to get from the dining room to the kitchen. In reality, it had all been renovated and was now one large kitchen. Large enough to accommodate an 'unfinished' island, which we agreed to purchase. The flooring is also staying. Not that I will be spending much time in the kitchen, but my few minutes per day in there will be pleasant.

I also realized that wooden blinds have no business on our living room window. The view is gorgeous and I wouldn't want to block it out. The current residents said they never close the curtains, and I can understand that. So we are buying their curtains, plus the blinds on all the windows. And the ceiling fan because it's there and already installed. Basically everything on the list, except for the carpeting. We have rugs for the bedrooms and have had them rolled up and stored for the past three moves, so it's time to get them out of the garage and into the house.

So, when we move we won't have to install air conditioners, blinds, curtains, or shelving. I'll buy a new rug for the living room and many gallons of paint, but that's all. (At least for now.)

I was definitely glad I did the walk-through. Although I was a bit embarrassed when I noticed (as I was leaving) that the fly on my shorts was half undone. I had been holding Destructo the entire time and I think his toes must have just pushed it down.

Oh well, these people are moving and I'll never see them again, right?

After leaving The House and stopping by the Hubster's office to report back to him, Destructo and I headed to the commissary. I usually get out to the base once or twice a week, so a commissary stop is almost always necessary. Today I was prepared with a list AND coupons so I could do all my shopping for the weekend.

So as I'm coming down Aisle 3, who do you think is approaching from the opposite direction?

The People I'll Never See Again.

We stopped and chatted a few minutes, then went our separate ways.

We passed each other again on Aisle 4. A few more pleasantries were exchanged.

And there they were again on Aisle 5.

And Aisle 6....

Okay, so I'll never see them again after Aisle 14.

Home Sweet Home

Tomorrow morning I am going to do a walk-through of our new house.

I'm excited about finally seeing the house in 3-D. We have the floor plans, and I have driven past the house enough to be considered a stalker, but we have yet to see the inside.

If you know nothing about military housing, this is your first and most important lesson: What goes up must come down. When you are "issued" a house it most likely comes with plain beige walls, beige tile floors, white appliances and bathroom fixtures, and possibly beige kitchen cabinets. You can paint, wallpaper, lay carpets, anything your heart desires, but when you move out it must all be undone. You must return the house in all its beige-ness.

The only way around this all-beige rule is if you get the next residents to sign for your 'improvements'. Some things (such as air conditioners and carpets) are purchased, others (such as paint) are merely passed along. It's a huge bonus if you can get them to agree to keep your improvements, because it makes moving out so much simpler.

So tomorrow I am doing a walk-through. I spoke with the current residents and discovered that they made a lot of improvements to the house. This makes me a bit nervous because what they see as an 'improvement' might not be my style. They mentioned air conditioners, which we will keep. (Hell yes!!!) There is also wood laminate kitchen flooring, curtains for the hard-to-fit windows (12 ft. ceilings, floor-to-ceiling windows along most of the front of the house), an "unfinished" island in the kitchen, shelving in the garage, a ceiling fan, and a list of other things I don't recall.

I'm all for the air conditioners remaining with the house, no matter the cost.

The kitchen floor sounds intriguing.

The curtains are iffy - I had plans for the living room and they involved wooden blinds, not curtains.

An unfinished island doesn't really appeal to me.

We have a spare ceiling fan and plenty of shelving in the garage, so those are definite no-go.

As for everything else, we'll have to wait and see.

The Hubster is conveniently "in a meeting" tomorrow morning and won't be able to go with me. It's probably better that way, because his idea of 'decorating' is very different from mine.

I've been planning, picking out paint colors, transferring floor plans to graph paper and laying out furniture, and browsing my Coastal Living magazines for months. I've also been trying to visualize all my 'things' back on the walls again. I'm almost afraid of totally losing control.

He is okay with beige and thinks we have too much 'trash'. He always reminisces about when he moved from Florida to Michigan with everything he owned in the trunk of a 1985 Cutlass.

(This is where I smack him upside the head and remind him that was nineteen years ago, before he had a wife and four kids.)

So, wish me luck. As much as I look forward to seeing the house, I dread having to tell someone else that their idea of decorating just doesn't appeal to me.

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Whew!! (Random Stuff Day)

It's really been one of those weeks, but I think things are finally turning around. (I probably just jinxed myself by admitting that.)

Remember the Diva's car? It was totaled. The good news is that the car was valued a lot higher than what we paid for it, so even after factoring in the deductible, we are still ahead $800. We had told the Diva that if there was any loss she would have to cover it. Now she thinks we owe her $800....

And Sir Destructo's immunizations? He came down with a mild case of chicken pox after getting the shots (not an uncommon side-effect). It's also molar season for him, so it's not been a restful week. He's also learned two new tricks:

1. Taking his diaper off. We've changed his bedding nearly every day this week and have had to start putting a pair of the Wildcard's underwear over the diaper. He thinks that is totally cool.

2. Yelling. It's "Mom!!! Mom!!! Maaaaaaaahmmm!!" or "Dad!!! Dad!!! Daaaaaaaaaa!!!" It doesn't matter if he's in the next room or sitting on our lap, the volume level is the same.

The Blonde One? He was bumped by a shark last week while out body boarding. He thinks it's a cool story to tell. Me, not so much. He keeps explaining that it was "just a six-foot hammerhead" and "they really don't bite, they're just nibblers." The lifeguard saw it and cleared everyone out of the water, nibbler or not.

We have our packout dates and all that for our move to base housing next month. I cannot wait - we've had record high temperatures all month, and it's really affecting my mood. Not in a good way.

I've also selfishly decided to spend more time on me!!

I haven't been running much since that miserable race in February - I think that's what is making me feel so sluggish (and five pounds heavier...ack!). I informed the Hubster that no matter how tired he is when he gets home, I need to go for a run and he needs to step in and make sure the kids do their homework and all that. He's okay with that (like he had a choice).

Today I bought myself this bathing suit as motivation. (I told the Hubster I will buy the matching bikini at the end of the summer if I'm able to get back on a regular workout schedule.) I hate bathing suit shopping and have three tips for swimwear designers:

1. If I can't figure out how to put it on, I'm not buying it.

2. If I need help fastening/unfastening parts, I'm not buying it.

3. If it flattens my tummy at the expense of my thighs, I'm not buying it.


Sunday, May 15, 2005

Spacey Friday


Seems appropriate for me this week, since I seem to be so spaced-out lately.

My goal is to always find something new to fit the theme, but I don't see that happening any time soon. I did have several other ideas, but wasn't able to pull any of them off in my spaced-out condition.

So I went with this old picture from our Haleakala outing on Maui.

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Lost in Translation

On Wednesdays the Wildcard gets out of school at 12:30, so he and his best friend play together after school, alternating locations each week. Today they played at The Friend's place.

I hate picking him up from The Friend's place. The Friend lives in a high-rise, high security building and is cared for by an "Auntie" who speaks broken English.

My first challenge is to make it past the security guy. Sometimes he is sober, sometimes not so sober. As I'm filling out the necessary paperwork (in triplicate) to be admitted to the building, I am asked a series of random, pointless questions. They are never the same questions, and my answers are irrelevant. Once I make it past him, I am permitted to use the phone to call The Friend's Auntie and be buzzed upstairs.

Hawaiian "Aunties" are not necessarily related by blood - usually they are family friends or respected elders. In this case, the "Auntie" is the nanny. She is Asian, and while I can usually carry on a face-to-face conversation with her, it's always a bit difficult over the phone. Today when I finally made it past Drunken Security, I called upstairs and got this:

Me: Hi, it's the Wildcard's mom. I'm here to pick him up.

Auntie: Ohhhh....(unintelligible)...Safeway....(unintelligible)....okay?

Pardon me?

Auntie: The Friend...(unintelligible)...Grandma. Okay?

Me: Ummm....

I have number. You call?

So she gave me a 7-digit number. I assumed it was the Grandmother's telephone number and the Wildcard and The Friend had gone to Safeway with her. So I called the grandmother who, by the way, is also Asian and speaks broken English.

This is the Wildcard's mom...

Yes, yes.

Auntie said....

(unintelligible)....The Friend.....(unintelligible)....okay?

Me: Pardon me?

Grandma: (unintelligible)....then ice cream, okay? (Or perhaps she said, "I scream" but I really couldn't be sure.)


Grandma: I bring home or you pick up. Okay?

You will bring him home?

Grandma: Okay.


I'm thinking from now on they can just play at our house.

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Spell Check, Please!!

Today I received the following e-mail from the Hubster. I love the guy to death, but his attention to detail is lacking....

Thursday I ahvea haila dn farewell @ 1600. Unless the kids wna tot stay until 1730 or so you will need ot pick them up.

Of course I knew what he was saying, it just cracks me up that he can send something like that out. He said he doesn't send work-related e-mails out like that, only the ones to me.

I feel special.

Friday Action

Okay, it wasn't really Friday action, it was more like Monday afternoon action.

Today on the way to pick up the Diva and the Blonde One after school, we stopped by the Blowhole looking for some Blowhole Action. (Insert your own joke here.) Over the weekend we had some winds and rather large waves, so I was hoping there would be at least a little of it left today.

I was wrong.

While waiting for the Blowhole to blow and trying to keep Sir Destructo from climbing over the edge and telling the Wildcard over and over and over to please stop spitting into the wind, I took some shots of the waves near Sandy Beach.

Honestly, I think there was more action behind the scenes than there was in the

Monday, May 09, 2005

New Week, New Attitude

(I'm hoping it'll be a better attitude, but I'm leaving my options open....)

I'm ready to put most of That Mess That Was Last Week behind me. I have my 'To Do" list made for this week, and hopefully I can accomplish something, anything.

First on my list is Photo Friday. (See how my priorities are totally messed up?) I need to get an "Action" shot. I have some ideas....

Sir Destructo needs his 15-month immunizations this week. He had his checkup about ten days ago, but they were out of the DTP's, so we have to go back. (This should probably be a higher priority than Photo Friday, yeah?)

I finally got the final estimate for repairing most of the furniture damaged in our move. It was just under $1,000 for our china cabinet and two Carlyle chairs alone - it was all new when we moved. Now I just need to get that together with the rest of the damage information and submit it for reimbursement.

I have two Continuing Professional Education courses I need to finish before the end of the month. I'm desperately looking for some quiet time to do those. Tax Planning for Individuals and Real Estate Investing, fun stuff.

I need to see if I can register the Wildcard at the school he'll be attending next year. (Have I mentioned that we've finally got a move date and house on base?!?!?) The school is usually overcrowded and they have to give geographic exceptions (to not so good schools) to students who register late. My plan is to register him, then apply for a geo exception to a better school based on his G/T needs.

We're supposed to find out tomorrow the status of the Diva's car. The appraiser looked at it today (on a Sunday!) and said it would "be close". As in, maybe it is totaled, maybe not. They are pretty quick to declare them totaled here because most parts have to be ordered from the Mainland, and that adds up pretty fast. I just want the whole thing resolved so we can move on.

Anyway, I really don't know why I am sharing my to-do list....I'll stop there before I get to the really boring stuff.

(Reminder to self: New week, new attitude, new week, new attitude.......)

Thursday, May 05, 2005

My Life is a Bad Country Song

Yeah, it's been one of those weeks.

I swear every time I turn around I'm getting hit with something else. It's been a week of constant phone calls, appointments, missed connections, and just generally time-consuming, stupid stuff.

Plus, it is hotter than Hell and we lost our tradewinds.

And the baby is teething, so there's no sleep for either of us.

Then again, if it was a country song, StupidDog would have run off. Instead he just has an intestinal bug, and I don't think they write songs about doggie bowel movements.

Bartender, bring me another round.

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

Cell Phone Etiquette

Who would answer a cell phone during a funeral?

I'll tell you who.


The carpet cleaning people.

Apparently they don't want to miss any calls.

You would think it would be more professional to turn the ringer off and let it go to voicemail, rather than whisper, "I'm at a funeral right now. Can you call back tomorrow?"

Maybe I will, maybe I won't.
Fancy Friday

(Disclaimer - I hate the word "Fancy" - in my little mind it's not much different than gaudy or tacky. I almost didn't do Photo Friday this week, but I'm too darn stubborn to back down from a challenge. And it WAS a challenge to find something that was "fancy" without being overly gaudy.)


Him: (Calling from Okinawa) I was out in town today and I saw this really cool thing, so I got it for you.

What is it?

Him: It's a thing, sort of like an orb.

You got me an orb?

Yeah, I guess. But it's really cool. I got you a green one.

You got me a green orb?

You'll like it. It's really cool.

He was right. It is really cool and I do like my
Fancy Orb.

The Hubster got it from a street vendor in Okinawa. The guy starts with a solid piece of stone, and makes intricate carvings until it is a series of orbs, one inside the other. It is not assembled, it is all carved as one piece, which is really amazing.

Sunday, May 01, 2005

Counting Fishies

This morning was my morning to sleep in, something I love to do but rarely get the opportunity. I was in an incredibly wonderful, deep sleep when the Hubster came charging into the bedroom. I could hear Sir Destructo crying in the family room.

Him: Hey!! The fish. I'm not doing something right!

Me: Huh? Wha...?

Him: The fish. The pink one. How do you do it?

Me: (trying to focus on what he was saying) Wha?

Him: THE FISH BOOK. He's getting mad because I'm not doing it right.

Me: Oooohhhhh...The pink one is the fast fish. Take his hand and zoom it back and forth across the page. You have to say "Shoooom!!! Shhhhooom!" as you're doing it though.

Him: What about the turtle?

Me: (surprised he is even asking this) Turtles are slow. They don't make noise.

Him: And the crabs?

Me: They crawl across his belly. The sea urchins are pokey. The other fish just get counted.

Him: Is that it?

Me: Yeah. Oh, make sure you make fish faces when you do the first page.

Him: Got it.

With that I drifted back to sleep, with the sound of toddler giggles coming from the other room.